Rebuild
by lafantomette
Summary: Harvey is badly injured and Donna is still listed as his emergency contact... Even if they don't work together anymore. Set after Season 4 Finale. Darvey
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I really don't know how this happened. I've had this idea since s04 finale… What if Harvey would get hurt, would Donna be able to stay away? I think she needs him as much as he needs her.**

 **I am not a writer, I'm just doing this for fun and most of all, because we need as many Darvey fics as we can get! I hope you'll enjoy this little hurt fic. I don't know how many chapters there will be…**

 **It makes me so happy to read your reviews, please leave a comment and make this girl happy!**

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Harvey Specter is mad. Or sad. He doesn't know. The only thing he's sure of, is that he now has this permanent knot in his stomach that makes him sick and dizzy.

A few weeks ago Donna left him to work for Louis. It happened really fast.

When she was charged with intent to commit fraud, he felt like someone was trying to drown him and he was only able to catch his breath once they were celebrating their victory. He was on her couch letting his guards down, he took one look at her and lost his breath again for a totally different reason. He thought she knew the effect she has on him, but things got overly complicated and she left him.

Now it's been weeks of awkwardness at the office. They were as close as two people can be without being in a romantic relationship. But now that he thinks about it, maybe all this time they were "romantic" without admitting it. Of course, they weren't sleeping together. But they did, once. Or to be more accurate, multiple times in one evening. And maybe that was enough fuel for them to be connected sexually all these years. Nothing ever since. Her rule. Probably so they don't get hurt, and since she claims to know everything he believed her.

Obviously, she doesn't know everything because he's never been more hurt in all his life.

So Harvey is mad. And sad. And weeks of tossing and turning in his bed, thinking about all he could have done differently to make her stay, was starting to take a toll on him.

He slowly sits down in his bed, looking at the alarm clock, 4:30 a.m. Not that early considering all the other nights where he barely slept. Maybe going for a run in Central Park would stop him from overthinking everything. Maybe if he would push his body hard enough it would stop hurting so much. Cracking his legs, he puts his sweat pants on, not even bothering changing his t-shirt. He bends downs and ties his running shoes.

'

'

At the crack of dawn everything is calm and slow. The air is crisp and he can feel his fingers tingling as he clasps his iPod and runs a quicker pace. It is still dark around him and he looks straight at the horizon. He's trying really hard not to think of her. It is the weekend. Later she will do yoga. She will put leggings on that will hug every curves of her lower body and a loose t-shirt that will fall off one of her shoulder. She will put her hair in a knot, her long neck exposed… He remembers kissing her neck, her soft moaning under his hands, her nails digging into his back…

He swallows, shaking his head, trying to put the memories away and he pushes himself even harder, running faster.

The last thing he would remember is seeing his iPod flying away from him while hearing a loud noise. Like his life hit a black wall.

'

'

Every Sunday at 9 a.m. sharp, Donna Paulsen has a yoga class. She is grabbing her yoga mat and her tote bag, ready to go, when she hears the phone ring. Pretty much everybody she knows is aware that she has yoga every Sunday so she is curious as to who it might be. She runs back inside to answer the phone.

"Am I talking to Miss Paulsen?" asks an unknown voice.

"Yes, who am I talking to?"

"Miss Paulsen, I'm nurse Mona Smith from Mount Sinai St Luke's Hospital. I am calling you because you are listed as Harvey Specter's emergency contact. He's been in an accident."

Donna feels her throat closing up and going dry. She can't remember how to breathe. Her voice comes out in a whisper. "What happened?"

"We don't know. He was admitted earlier this morning as a trauma victim with possible brain injury. He was found unconscious in Central Park. He lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. It isn't life threatening but he's been drifting in and out of consciousness and he keeps on asking me to call you."

"I'll be there immediately."

'

'

Sitting on an uncomfortable chair, she has been scratching her red nail polish off her nails for the past 90 minutes, and now she is bleeding from her thumb, scratching the skin around it with her index. It is all a blur. They explained to her that Mr. Specter was found unconscious on the ground, bleeding heavily from a head wound. He probably was lying there for a while before someone found him, and by the time the paramedics brought him to the hospital he was severely anemic and needed a blood transfusion. He must have slipped on broken beer bottles because they had to remove broken glass from his wounds. A stupid accident, they said. It seems like he fell head first, his head hitting the ground.

"Miss Paulsen?"

Donna slowly lifts her head and sees a small woman, probably in her 50s, with short grey hair and wearing round glasses.

"I'm Doctor Cohen," she says extending her hand.

Donna lightly shakes her hand, she can hardly feel anything, and she can't even speak. The doctor offers a soft smile.

"He's is doing fine. We managed to run all the tests and the MRI showed no brain damages. He does have severe lacerations on his skull and a concussion. He also sprained his left wrist."

Donna feels like she can finally breathe again. She gets up.

"You can go see him now," says Doctor Cohen. "This way…"

She follows Doctor Cohen down the hall, not knowing what to expect. Her feet are heavy and she is suddenly aware that she hasn't drink in the past two hours. Reaching the door, Doctor Cohen says "he doesn't remember the accident. He's also dizzy and confused, that's normal with a grade 2 concussion. Of course we gave him pain meds so he may seem worst..."

Donna walks across the room and sees him.

He only has minor bruises on his right cheek but she has never seen him so pale. He has a head bandage. His wrist is in a brace and there is still blood under his nails. His lips are dry and even though he is sleeping, his eyebrows are knotted like he's in pain. Donna feels the urge to touch him and would like to try to fix him, but she knows she can't.

"He was lucky…We'll see how he is later today and this evening but if he remains stable you'll be able to bring him home tomorrow. A nurse will come see you later. Try to make yourself as comfortable as you can."

"Thanks for your time, Doctor Cohen," Donna says as the small woman exits the room.

Donna doesn't know what to do with herself. Harvey is sleeping. She sits in the chair beside his bed and figures she should text Jessica, as Harvey will definitely not be working this week. She also texts Louis, knowing how pissed he is going to be that HIS secretary is at Harvey's side and that she has to take a few days off. She also texts Mike, because he will be looking for Harvey that's for sure. Oh and Rachel. They were supposed to get coffee later today… Her fingers are rapidly tapping on her phone, her eyes glued to the screen and she doesn't notice two brown eyes looking at her.

Harvey cannot move. He just woke up, feeling so much pain but as he opens his eyes he sees her curled up in the chair beside his bed. Donna focusing on a task has always been his favorite Donna. Her long hair is strapped in a ponytail and she is biting her lower lip as her eyes are trained on the phone. He can feel his heart beating in his head so he knows he must be hurt pretty badly but he decides it is better to focus on her instead of focusing on the throbbing pain. He tries to shift in his bed, but a wave of nausea hits him as his head starts spinning. He closes his eyes and starts whimpering from the pain.

She turns her head, almost dropping her phone. "Harvey, are you awake?" She gets up and sits on his bed. He opens just one eye and mumbles.

"Donna. I don't know what the hell happened. It hurts…"

"You hurt yourself Harvey. You fell and you have a bad head wound."

She puts a hand on his arm, making smile circle on his skin. After a few minutes she can see him relax.

He smiles weakly. "I knew you would be back, you couldn't stay with Louis. You miss me."

She rolls her eyes. "Geez Harvey. Next time you want to see me just walk down the hall and bring me coffee, you don't have to be so dramatic and crack your skull open!"

He smiles but doesn't reply, which was very un-Harvey of him. She could see he is in pain as he is clenching his teeth. His hand that isn't in a brace is closed into a tight fist.

"Hey, Harvey…" She talks softly, now putting one of her hand on his fist, her fingers caressing the knuckles. She knows they don't touch. They shouldn't touch. The last time they did was "the other time" but she can't bear seeing him in so much pain.

"Donna. I'm so sorry." He whispers.

She is confused. "Why Harvey?"

He opens his eyes and looks at her. "I should have deleted you as my emergency contact when you left. This isn't fair…"

She slips her fingers between his.

"Harvey. When they called me, it didn't even crossed my mind to call someone else to be with you. I could have called Marcus but I didn't. I wanted to be there with you."

He blinks and smiles at her. He obviously can't focus because of the pain and the meds. She feels his hand twitching under hers and he drifts asleep. She feels so tired too and she releases his hand, gets up and pushes the chair closer to his bed. She sits in the chair, her head resting on his bed and falls asleep to the sound of his slow breathing.

'

'

Donna feels a hand lightly shaking her shoulder and she opens her eyes. She sees Harvey, sitting in his bed. She rubs her eyes and stretches her legs, sitting straighter.

"Do you want my muffin?" He asks her.

She wrinkles her nose and smiles. "Ewww…Harvey! Is that what you're calling it now? You're that old?"

"I know you will like it," he says amused, "I know you like sweet things."

He has a platter of food on his legs but she notices he barely ate anything. He still look rather pale. He knows her too well so he answers her unspoken question.

"I'm not hungry, Donna. I feel nauseous. I ate the apple sauce. You can eat the muffin and have my coffee." He motions to the tray and she takes it, placing it on her knees. The coffee is warm and soothing for her dry throat. The muffin is no Dean and Deluccas but for a hospital muffin it is quite decent.

Someone knocks on the wall and they see a blonde nurse entering the room.

"Hello Mr. Specter. We checked everything and it seems your condition makes it safe for you to go home. We printed this discharge notice with recommendations. We also set an appointment to check your staples in two weeks."

Donna quirks an eyebrow. "You asked for your discharge while I was sleeping? How long did I sleep?"

"Enough that it's been 24 hours since the accident. Donna, I haven't slept a lot. I keep waking up…I want my bed." He whined.

"What Mr. Specter needs right now is to rest." The nurse adds. "He can do this at home, under supervision. I assume you'll be the one going home with him?"

Donna nods.

"Okay. So he needs someone to check on him closely for at least 48 hours. We need to make sure his condition doesn't deteriorate. It is normal for a concussed patient to experience headaches, dizziness, and to feel nauseous and moody. Also, his sleep pattern could be affected. Meaning it could be lighter or more profound. Tonight you will need to wake him every two to three hours just to make sure he remembers simple details like his name."

"Does this mean I can't go to work?" Asks Harvey.

"Mr. Specter, you won't be able to concentrate and you may even forget things. Yes, that means you can't go to work this week."

Harvey lets out a big sigh.

"Not only you suffered a concussion but you have a bad head injury. With your headaches and confusion you will need help making decisions…"

Donna laughs. "See that's funny, because he always needs help making decisions."

"My secretary left me so I don't have anyone to help me making decisions anymore," he says dryly.

"So there will be no problem with you taking some time off at home. If you two have any questions please call the number on the sheet I gave you."

The nurse approaches the bed. "I'm going to change your bandage but you have to remove it in 24 hours, then you can get someone to help you wash your hair. Without soaking your head of course." She quickly removes the gauze with her hands and cleans the wounded area on his skull. Donna is watching, wide eyes.

"Do I look that bad?" he asks her.

Donna is repeating to herself that she is an actress. She can do this. Harvey looks bad. Patches of hair were shaved off, and he has many staples on his skull she doesn't even dare to count how many. There is still blood and a blue bump. The nurse is putting a clean bandage.

"Ha Harvey, I'm just not used to seeing your hair so undone, you need gel!" She winks at him.

"There you go," says the nurse. "You are free to go now." They shake hands and they thank her as she leaves the room.

Harvey sits on the bed, legs hanging over the side.

"So…I could call Marcus."

"Harvey! Marcus has two kids and a restaurant! He doesn't have time to babysit his whiny wounded older brother." She sighs as she takes a step towards him.

"I left you as a secretary, Harvey. I'm still your friend. This isn't work related. I will help you…"

"Okay, first task…"

"Harvey! You are not going to give me orders!"

He crosses his legs. "Huh Donna. I am not wearing any underwear. I only have this hospital gown."

"Oh. Oops."

"I guess all my clothes were soaked with blood." He shrugs his shoulders. "But I am not going to please the crowd by leaving naked!"

Donna rummages through her tote bag.

"Well, Harvey. I have those black yoga pants and this t-shirt. Maybe you could squeeze into those?"

He knows the only other option is calling Ray to send Donna to his condo, waiting for her to come back, meaning it could take two more hours before he could be at home. He figures he doesn't look that good today anyway. He reluctantly agrees, asking her to turn around.

Donna is looking at the white wall, trying not to laugh when she hears him groan.

"Donna. I'm going to need help getting this t-shirt over my head."

As soon as she turns around he sends her a death glare.

"Don't. Laugh."

He looks desperate. Standing up with hip-hugging yoga pants and a t-shirt that he only managed to get through his wounded wrist and halfway through his head. She tries hard not to laugh.

"What's the magic word Harvey?" She teases.

"Really Donna? Could you PLEASE help me? He begs.

She takes the shirt in her hands and quickly manages to get it over his head and his other arm. Pulling it down, her hands brushes his torso and it makes her heart flip-flops. She remembers her nails digging his skin while she was moaning his name all those years ago. She immediately hates herself for thinking such a thing while they are both in a hospital room. She takes a step back, distancing herself from him.

"Voila! You are ready to go!"

The Harvey standing in front of her is far from the one she is used to. She digs her phone out of her bag and he jumps.

"No! Don't you dare take a picture of me looking like a trans-hooker who had a rough night."

"Harvey, I am not that cruel. I am just calling Ray to pick us up."

He slowly walks behind her as she is getting out of the room. She turns around and snaps a picture.

His mouth hangs open. "I can't believe you did that!"

"Harvey, relax. It isn't to use against you. I just think maybe Mike and Rachel would like to see how you are doing."

"Can we just go home," he groans.

'

'

The ride home is uneventful. Ray, after years of services knows when it is time to shut up and that is definitely one of those days. As they are getting closer to his condo, Donna can see him struggling not to vomit in the car, his face drained of all colors, his head resting in his hands. He also doesn't speak a single word. He keeps his eyes closed in the elevator, his body slouching on the wall. As soon as Donna unlocks the door to his condo he heads directly to the bathroom where she hears him gag and cough.

It breaks her heart but she knows there is nothing she can do. Knowing her way around his condo she goes to his bedroom and picks up clean PJs. She then goes to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

"Harvey, are you okay?"

She hears the shower. She opens the door and leaves the clothes on the floor, immediately closing the door. She walks to the kitchen and sees the little cactus. He hasn't died. In fact, he has a flower. She is stunned. The little pot is sitting on a post-it. She takes it and reads it, recognizing Harvey's handwriting.

-cooling period, no water during winter months

-spring and summer: move to window for maximum light, more water, fertilizer

Her hand is shaking. She can't believe he did research on how to make a cactus bloom. Her thoughts are interrupted by Harvey's weak voice.

"Donna, I need help."

She goes to the bathroom. He is standing only wearing his pajama pants, t-shirt in his hands. He looks tired. She doesn't even speak and she takes the t-shirt and puts her hands through the collar to expand it, pulling the t-shirt down over his head and helping him getting his arms through the holes. As soon as she is done, he drags his feet to the living room and sprawls on the couch. She sits beside him, as he expels a breath and slouches backwards. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers and shuts his eyes closed.

"How many times will I have to get dressed by my ex-secretary in the next few days? This is humiliating." He laments.

She knows better than to say anything when he is such in a bad mood. She gets up and fetches a glass of water and his pain meds. He takes them without even looking. She takes the glass from his hand and puts it on the table. She grabs his hand and pulls gently.

He follows her to his bedroom where she goes to his bed, folding down the blanket and top sheet. He sits on the bed. She can see him gritting his teeth, eyes closed. There is no way he's going to sleep in so much pain. She goes to the other side of the bed and she lies down, patting the spot behind him.

"Harvey," she calls softly, "please, just lie down."

He looks at her, his mind trying to process what is happening.

"Wait…you are sleeping here? Donna, I can sleep on the couch. You left me, we're not going to sleep in the same bed."

"Harvey, stop being ridiculous, you can't sleep on the couch. I will. Later. After I get my stuff. I'll text Mike and Rachel so they can come keep an eye on you while I'm at my apartment, but you won't even notice because you will be asleep."

He lies down. "You are so bossy."

She slowly turns towards him, her knee touching his leg. His eyes are opened and he blinks. He can't believe she is so close, when just yesterday she was farther than she's ever been. He hasn't slept in so many days, even before the accident. Because of her. Now she is so close he can smell her and feel her breathe on his face. He feels like he found a part of him that was missing. She is soothing… He closes his eyes, but opens them again and she is still there. He smiles like an idiot. The pain meds are probably kicking in because he's in less pain, he just feels happy. His hand brushes her arm. He slurs.

"You are the last thing I remember, Donna…"

She's intrigued. She can see his eyes are glassy, the pain meds have kicked in.

"What are you saying Harvey?"

He whispers, she can barely hear him.

"I was in so much pain. Before the accident Donna. It started before. I couldn't sleep. I felt sick all the time…" He swallows. "And I kept thinking about you. I can't understand why it happened. Why you left and why I fell…"

She feels tears in her eyes. She always thought she knew everything but she didn't know he was hurting that much. "I'm so sorry Harvey, I had to leave…you should sleep. I'm there now."

She can see his breathing pattern becomes deep and slow, and soon enough he's snoring under the influence of the meds. She peels herself from the bed and calls Mike and Rachel.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you who left reviews on the first chapter! It made me so happy *blushes*. Please, continue leaving comments, it gives me extra energy to update waaaay faster. Enjoy!**_

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 **Chapter 2**

Harvey wakes up, still in pain. He stretches his unwounded arm, searching for Donna, secretly hoping she fell asleep next to him. His bed is cold and empty. He hears the sound of people chatting in his living room. He remembers Donna said she would go to her apartment to pick up a few things and that Mike and Rachel would stop by. He drags himself out of bed and walks to the living room. He sees them indeed, sitting on the couch, drinking wine.

"Go ahead, make yourselves at home," says Harvey sarcastically as he is sinking down on the couch, facing them.

"Oh Shit!" says Mike, a look of horror on his face. "Donna told us…but I didn't think it could be that bad." Harvey figures he must look pretty bad, as Rachel doesn't even try to fake it. She is just staring at him, hand clasped over her mouth.

"Do you still have hair under your bandage? Don't tell me I'll finally be the one with better hair," Mike adds, trying to look unfazed.

Harvey tries really hard to find some clever comeback but the throbbing pain in his head prevents him to think or talk. It feels like he's going to faint on the couch. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes deep breaths.

"Harvey," asks Rachel with her soft voice, "do you need something?"

"Water…Pills." He mumbles with a voice so weak he doesn't even recognize it himself.

She quickly gets up and when he opens his eyes she is placing the pills in his hand, handing him a glass of water. She looks worried. "You look pale…maybe you should eat something? Donna told me you haven't eaten much. I brought you chicken soup from Hale and Hearty."

He wants to protest that he can't eat because he feels nauseous all the time but Mike is placing the cup of warm chicken soup on the coffee table, in front of him. It does look good. He starts eating and it is inarguably delicious and a few minutes later he puts the empty cup down on the table.

"Thanks," he says, sprawling back into the couch.

"So," starts Mike. "Donna told us that you fell while running. At like 5 in the morning. What happened?"

"I can't remember exactly. I tripped and fell on broken beer bottles." He shrugs, eyes fixed on the coffee table. He wonders if he has lost all his bravado in that damn accident because that simple question sounds like an accusation. "Mike, it was just a dumb accident I guess."

Mike reaches for his glass of wine, takes a sip and then looks up. "So…now that you cracked your skull opened are we finally going to talk about how distracted you've been since Donna left? Or are we still ignoring this?" He says in a conversational tone. "Maybe going out for a run after a sleepless night is part of your new beauty regimen?"

"First, you aren't my dad. Second, go to hell Mike." Barks Harvey.

"C'mon, it's pretty obvious you haven't been sleeping in weeks Harvey," adds Mike looking straight at him. Rachel looks paralyzed, like she doesn't know if she should stop this train wreck from happening or see how it unfolds.

"Okay Harvey. Believe me I feel awful for telling you this while you look…" he gestures to Harvey's face, "like this. But, she is there now to take care of you. She obviously care about you. Are you finally going to do something about it or are you planning to wait another decade? Maybe you two will end up at the same retirement home, who knows…"

"Wow. You are such a dick Mike! Are you going to send me a bill for this unsolicited advice?" When did his associate become perspicacious enough to annihilate him? He definitely is too tired and in pain for this shit.

Rachel puts her hand on Mike's hand. "Mike, I think Harvey has been through enough…Maybe you two could revisit this conversation…"

"NEVER. Donna left. That's what she wanted." Interrupts Harvey.

"You know, Harvey, it isn't easy for Donna to…" She trails off. "She isn't happy, Harvey."

Harvey feels his heart sinking. "What?"

"Never mind. But I think maybe you two should…talk." Rachel says calmly, looking thoughtful.

Rachel's words are followed by a heavy silence while she and Mike are reaching for their glass of wine. Was Donna unhappy? Harvey thought she made that move because she wanted something else. Did she wanted something…more? Something more from him? He didn't used Jessica to drag Donna back to his desk because he wanted Donna to be happy. But now he's hearing from her best friend that she might be unhappy. His head is pounding and he's finding women, especially Donna Paulsen, more difficult than ever to understand.

Harvey hears the front door to his condo opening and he turns around to see Donna closing the door behind her, duffle bag on her shoulder.

"Oh! You're up Harvey," she leaves her bag behind the couch and sits next to him. "…did you take your meds?" He nods. She is beautiful. She is wearing dark blue skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. Her hair, still wet from taking a shower, is undone and grazes her shoulders. Her hair smells like cherry or vanilla and he's pretty sure it is the perfect cure for his headache because he can't feel the pain anymore. But he sure has a fluttery feeling down his stomach. He realizes that he's been thinking more and more of her in that way since she left. Like he's finally allowing himself to go there.

He's definitely staring.

"You don't look well." She says regarding him with raised eyebrows. "Harvey? Stop staring."

"I'm…" he starts, not really knowing what to say. "Sorry. I just feel really tired. I'm going to go to bed and call it a night". He slowly gets up, feeling the room spinning around him.

"Mike, Rachel, thanks for the soup." He disappears in his room, shutting the door behind him. He falls asleep as soon as his body hits the mattress.

'

'

"OMG. Donna," says Rachel looking alarmed. "You told us he was hurt but…he's in pretty bad shape!"

"He didn't even have enough energy to talk, really," adds Mike.

"It's the concussion…he's going to be like this for a few days." She slips off her black ballet flats and folds her legs under her on the couch. "He's not particularly fun to be around with."

"Donna, do you need me to stay?" asks Mike thoughtfully. "I know things between you two are awkward."

She smiles. "Thanks Mike. I appreciate but…we're okay. He's sleeping almost all the time. We're still friends. And he needs me."

They all get up and Rachel hugs her. "If you need anything call me or…" The brunette smiles and makes a face that conveys more expression than words. "Donna just call me when you'll have time ok? And…be careful."

'

'

It was past 2 a.m. and as much as Donna enjoys watching Richard Gere movies, she feels like she needs to sleep. She gets up to put on her PJs and brush her teeth. She picks up a blanket and a pillow and throws them on the couch. This isn't going to be a comfortable night, but sleeping in Harvey's bed can't be an option.

She noticed how he was looking at her earlier when she came back from her apartment…

She didn't like how it made her legs feel wobbly and her heart beat out of her chest.

She left him, because she had enough of that way only Harvey Specter made her feel. He made her feel confused, to say the least. She isn't sure why she felt this urgent need to be with him after the accident. There is always this invisible force pulling them together even when she is consciously trying to move on with her life. Maybe after all those years, her life became so intricately woven into everything he is, there will forever be a thread connecting them to each other?

There is still one thing she has to do before she sleeps and it is to check on Harvey like the doctor told her to. He didn't look good earlier and he's been asleep since around 9pm. She walks into his room. It is dark and she can hear his regular breathing. She sits down on the bed.

"Harvey, wake up," she says softly.

He doesn't even move. She pokes his torso, he's sleeping on his back. She raises her voice a bit.

"Hey…wake up."

Again, nothing.

She pinches his good arm. Not a move. She pinches harder, she is probably going to leave a bruise on his arm she couldn't care less. She suddenly feels her heart beating faster. She kneels next to him and she shakes him with both hands on his torso, calling his name. His breathing becomes heavier and she goes into full panic mode, like something inside her just snapped. She sits on him, knees on each side of his waist and taking both of his arms in her hands she shakes him. Violently.

"Harvey! Wake up! Don't do this to me!" She starts crying. He is not waking up. She lies on top of him and cries, her face buried in the crook of his neck.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: Thanks to all of you who took the time to write a review! Please don't forget to review this chapter, it's the fuel that keeps me going! Hope you'll like this chapter. xo_**

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She is crying uncontrollably, her face buried in his neck. She can't believe this is happening. She can't remember anything… did the Doctor warned her about a potential coma? Of course she saw that scene happening in some crappy lifetime movies but it can't be happening for real. The nurse did say his sleep pattern could be affected by being more profound… She is so confused and she can't think straight.

'

'

And then she felt it. His hand. Gently grazing the curve of her lower back…slowly moving to touch her hips while he mumbles her name.

"BASTARD!" She rolls off of him, crying. She can't believe she has to do this.

"What's your name?" she cries.

"…I…what?" he replies, confused.

"What is your fucking NAME!" she yells at him.

"My name is Harvey! Why?"

"Where do you work?" she hasn't stopped crying.

He hesitates. "I think this week it's Pearson-Specter-Litt… the name of that damn firm changes all the time." He sounds tired, she realizes he wasn't faking. The doctor did say his sleep could be affected. The concussion. Plus, he's been taking those pills…

"What's happening Donna?" He asks in a hushed tone.

She shuts down. Completely. He can hear her sobbing in the darkness of the room. He's utterly confused and there is an uneasy silence between them.

"Donna, why are you crying? I don't understand…"

"Harvey. I tried waking you up. You weren't moving at all. I got scared. I panicked. Okay?"

"That's why you were on top of me? And I thought we were finally going to have a repeat of "the other time," he chuckles but doesn't hear a word coming from her side of the bed.

"Hey, Donna. I'm joking…" He feels her elbow hitting his rib cage.

He smiles, knowing it means she's okay. "Ouch! Like I'm not in enough pain already!"

"That was for touching my ass," she hisses at him.

"I did? I'm sorry. I was…" The tone of his voice gets lower and she can hardly hear the rest. "I was dreaming."

She jumps. "You were dreaming? Should I ask about what exactly…? No. Scratch that. I don't want to know. Very classy Harvey. I can't believe I was worried for you."

What she just said is followed by a pregnant pause. Harvey is not going to answer this one. He remembers the dream vividly. She was in it, wet hair, black t-shirt and skinny jeans, wearing the same outfit he saw her in before he went to bed. It felt real, and he's pretty sure his subconscious didn't want him to wake up. He can't tell her that. Donna would definitely leave.

'

'

Donna is trying something new. She's letting him…marinate. She is trying not to be the one who asks first. She isn't moving, legs crossed. She feels Harvey's weight shifting and hears him expelling a breath. Maybe she is winning at this game.

"Okay Donna. We need to talk…"

She smiles, content. "What Harvey? I'm listening."

"I'm…Dammit! Okay. I miss you."

She turns on her side to face him, even if it is dark and she can't see him.

"Good. I'm happy you're saying it. May I ask WHY?"

She can feel him struggling with his answer. She's pretty sure he's nervously tapping his thumb on his leg. He's rolling his ankles under the blankets. He's definitely nervous. He knows he is treading dangerous territory.

"Because you left. I need you. I need you in my life, Donna."

She is starting to get pissed and she snaps at him.

"Well, Harvey, I can't stay with you forever because you need me in your life. I can't put my life on hold just because you need me guarding your desk!"

He turns to her, raising his body on his elbow. "You know it was never just about that!"

He sounds offended.

Now she is full-on angry and she sits in the bed, and starts yelling at him.

"No Harvey! Stop assuming I know because I DON'T KNOW! I don't understand what you want from me anymore! I'm so freaking tired of all this!"

He kicks the blankets and cover and sits too. "I don't know Donna! What I do know is that you were there and I was happy. And you left and…" He hesitates. "I'm not well."

"What do you mean, not well?" she mocks him. "Too much work to do when I'm not at your desk, Harvey?"

He's not yelling anymore. "No…Donna. I can't sleep. And when I do, I think of you."

"I can't believe it!" She gasps, sounding genuinely offended. "Like earlier when I was trying to wake you up and you touched my ass Harvey? That's the kind of dream you have about me? Some weird secretary-porn-fantasy? At least now that answers the question, you are clearly capable of looking at me THIS way!"

"Okay Donna," he sighs, retreating. "What do you want?"

It's like all the pressure was building up inside her, rising, and she finally bursts.

"You see Harvey, that's the problem here! I think you should focus on what YOU want!"

He hears her letting her body fall heavily on the mattress.

He sighs in exasperation, lying back too. They are both there, stuck in a rut, not moving.

'

'

It's totally unexpected. Or maybe it is after all this fighting and dancing around. After all, they don't work together anymore. She feels his trembling hand in her hair and just when she's about to opposed she feels his lips tentatively brushing hers.

The kiss is slow and warm, not at all like how she imagined their first kiss would be twelve years after the other time. His hand is still caressing her hair as she feels his tongue tickling her lips. She opens her mouth and she feels their tongues briefly touching. She can feel his fingers leaving her hair, fingertips gently tracing her features, drifting over her eyebrows and gliding over her cheeks while his lips move to her neck. She hasn't been kissed like this in quite a while. She can't touch his head or other arm, knowing he is in pain, so she just lets herself being kissed, not touching him. She thoroughly enjoys it even if she knows this isn't the answer she's looking for.

His kisses and touches are so soft, she feels like she is made out of glass and he's afraid she might break at any moment. He's probably right because the second she feels him coming to a halt, turning on his back, his hand leaving her, she swallows thickly and she is shaking her head.

"Harvey I think you are avoiding my question."

"No. I'm not," he replies with a smugness that irritates her. "You asked me to focus on what I want. Well…I wanted to kiss you."

"Harvey…" she starts.

She doesn't even know where she is going with this. That Miles Davis record that she scratched years ago is the perfect representation of what they are. With them, it's like their relationship is going around in circles. They always repeat the same behavior. He gets close, she pushes. She gets close, he builds his walls up. Their story is like a freaking broken record that she is tired of listening to, but still, can't put away on the shelves…

She starts again, she feels tired. Of all this. "Harvey, what do you want?"

"Donna…I need you. I need you on my team." He says, his voice pleading.

"What?" she says raising her tone, "You are unbelievable! I can't believe you just kissed me and you're still singing that same damn tune! You self-centered jerk! You want me to come back?"

He gasps in disbelief. "I don't understand you! You ask me what I want, I tell you and you get mad at me for telling you," he says sounding more exasperated than mad. "You were pissed I didn't fight for you, I fought like hell to keep you near and you left me!" he adds. "Rachel told me you are unhappy. But I let you go to Louis because I thought that's what you wanted, Donna. Why am I always the bad guy in this? I'm not sure you know what YOU want!"

She's had enough. She gets out of bed thinking she's done pushing for an answer she's never going to get. She is not even sure what she wants to hear anyway. Maybe he's right. Maybe after all this time she lost track of what SHE wants.

"Goodnight Harvey," she says, closing the door behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi! I'm so glad for all of you who are still reading! I have to admit it has become increasingly difficult to write this fic because the show is making me sooooo sad (even if it is excellent). Also, the promos always make me cry even if I know most of the time they are misleading. Well, we still have two or three chapters to go with this fic so here's chapter 4. They both are dealing with the aftermath of the kiss. Hope y'all enjoy it.**

 **Please, leave a little comment/review for my hard work! I appreciate it A LOT! xoxo**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 4**

Donna Paulsen never feels old. That word isn't even part of her vocabulary, but this morning, as she wakes up, she definitely feel like she's too old to sleep on Harvey's designer leather couch. She gets up and starts the espresso machine, coffee cures everything. Drinking the warm beverage she recalls the night before. She fell asleep relatively fast, considering what happened with Harvey.

She wanted to move on, and there he was again, messing up with her head and heart. Was the kiss just him trying to fulfil a primal need? After all, she was the woman available at this moment. But then, what about all those words he said. That he's been in so much pain since she left. That he misses her… Could he be missing her that much only professionally, as his secretary? Of course, she always knew he wanted her professionally, but last night with that kiss…she felt a whole other level of want.

She shakes her head. Of course it feels nice, being wanted by someone, but it wasn't what she was trying to achieve by leaving him. Or was it? She likes to think she left him to put herself first, but there is this lingering feeling that maybe, subconsciously, she did it to shock him. To make him realize how lucky he was to have her, and that it shouldn't always be about HIS needs, but also hers. She wanted more, she wanted him to comfort her when she almost went to prison. Maybe also she wanted something else… One thing for sure, when she asked for more he got scared or whatever.

When he kissed her, was he trying to take a step further? She remembers how good it felt, having his fingers threading her hair, his lips claiming her. She is totally lost in her thoughts and she doesn't hear Harvey coming in the kitchen and sitting next to her.

"Hey. Good morning," he says quietly.

She spills her coffee all over the counter and on her shirt.

"Shit! Harvey! You scared me!" She dabs at the spill with a napkin. "There goes my morning coffee, thanks Harvey!"

He smirks. "You look nervous this morning Donna. Why?"

So he wants to take the bull by the horns.

"You kissed me," she states matter-of-factly.

He leans a bit closer, not breaking eye contact.

"Yes, I did. And don't expect me to feel sorry about it. I liked every second of it," he says with a smug grin.

She swallows hard, her body going tense as she is trying to kill the butterflies in her stomach, because she hates to admit it, but she liked it too. Every second of it. This makes her feel unstable. Donna Paulsen doesn't like to lose control. She likes certainty, and when it comes to matter of the heart with Harvey Specter, there isn't a more uncertain thing.

"Harvey…Don't," she replies with a sharp tone. "If you even try one more time… I will leave. I am not here for this.

She hates that she can read him so easily, feeling a pinch in her heart as she saw the hint of a dejected gaze in his eyes. He nods slowly.

"Harvey. I am here to help you. As a FRIEND," she adds carefully.

He rubs his forehead with his hand, closing his eyes. "I'm glad you are here Donna. Maybe those pills fucked me up…and I took this other pill last night… I don't know."

"Harvey, what other pill?"

"Never mind. I'm sorry Donna. There. I said it. It won't happen again. Can we just eat breakfast? I'm hungry."

"No. What other pill Harvey," she insists.

He can't even look at her. She can't pinpoint the exact emotion, he looks…ashamed? He's gazing at the cactus and he swallows like his mouth is dry.

"I've been taking anti-anxiety pills…sometimes," he mumbles reluctantly. "I'm seeing a psychiatrist… I told you I haven't been feeling well lately because…" There is a sharp silence. He breathes heavily and mutters "Work."

Donna always thought she knew everything about Harvey Specter but at this precise moment she feels like pieces of the puzzle just do not fit. Is it possible to sink that low over loosing someone PROFESSIONALY? When she asked him HOW he loved her, she was testing him and the fact that he couldn't confess to anything then, after all those years, was proof enough that he didn't love her THAT WAY, and will never be emotionally ready and available. But now, she has doubts. What if…? She gets up to make another coffee.

'

'

Well, he really majorly fucked up. He can't believe he kissed her, he knows how she is. What he did, that's the kind of dick move that makes her put her walls up. People always say he, Harvey Specter, has "walls" to protect himself. Donna has too.

He really hates himself. It can't happen again. Even if now, looking at her while she is busy making coffees at the espresso machine, he couldn't help himself wanting more… his eyes raking over her body, admiring her hips and long legs. How was he able to keep himself in check for more than a decade? Now all he wants to do is to rip her clothes off and have sex with her against the kitchen counter. Maybe he had brain damages after all…

"HEY! Harvey! You are staring again!" she says putting a cup of coffee in front of him. "You need to wake up, we have tons to do today."

"Tons to do? What are you talking about?"

She sits on the stool next to him and smiles glancing his way. "We have to watch 'Chicago' and 'Autumn in New York'."

He rolls his eyes at the suggestion. "Donna…you are kidding right? I am the one suffering and you are now adding torture to the mix?"

"Talking about torture. Today we have to remove your head bandage and see what you look like under all that gauze."

"Can I go back to sleep? I suddenly feel really tired…"

"Nice try. Okay, let's play 'choose a movie."

He is amused by all this. "I get to choose the Richard Gere movie we'll be watching, and you'll get to choose a movie you know I will like."

"Deal!" She says as they shake hands.

He carefully chooses a movie that will make her happy.

"I guess 'Pretty Woman' has charms. Julia Roberts is a beautiful redhead…"

"Great. I choose 'Clueless'!"

"No! Donna c'mon! Now I'm stuck watching two chick flicks!"

"Oh Harvey…I know you love both."

He sighs, then shakes his head in approval.

She gets up and makes toasts. She knows exactly how he likes his, with butter and just a hint of jam.

"You look better today, Harvey." She says as she hands him his plate.

"My head hurts less," he says between bites. "Hmmm. That's good. I guess I'm less nauseous too."

"So we are going to slack on the pain meds," she says. She sits next to him and nudges his shoulders. "I don't know if it has something to do with it but…I was scared last night when I couldn't wake you… So let's make sure that ALSO won't happen again."

'

'

Harvey is a perfect gentleman all day, staying put on his side of the couch. They watch 'Clueless' first, because she knows he can't concentrate for an extended period of time. They are both laughing, trading quotes.

"I want to do something for humanity!" Harvey says mimicking Cher.

"How about sterilization?" replies Donna, in her best attempt at Josh's voice.

He laughs. "Stop it. If there is one thing I'm sure of, is that our baby would be beautiful. We are great looking people Donna!"

In spite of all her best intentions, she feels an unwelcomed pang of sadness in her heart. Of course, dreaming of a little Paulsen-Specter crossed her mind a few times since they knew each other. She knows he's joking, but whenever Harvey uses 'WE', it makes her weak in the knees.

Somehow she musters a smile. "Huh yeah, they would be if they look like me."

"What's wrong with how I look?"

She grabs a cushion and puts it behind her back, smiling. "I don't know Harvey…Rumour has it, you aren't manly enough for your new secretary."

"You've been talking to Gretchen?" he says with fake indignation.

"Well, we were a bunch of secretaries and assistants in the lunch room and we started talking and ratings the men from the office…"

"WHAT?" He gasps in disbelief. "You women do that? And you all get offended when we talk about a woman's physique!" He pauses. "So…what's my rating?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not telling you."

"Donna…does Mike has a better rating than mine?"

She smiles, not saying a word.

"Donna," he begs, "please I need to know."

"Okay, I won't get into specifics but there were a lot of positives about you."

"Because there are negatives? I can't believe this…"

"Tall. Handsome. Well dressed."

He smiles in a conceited way. "Don't stop. Go on!"

"Well, for the negatives. Old."

"Old? I'm not that old!"

"I'm just telling you what the others said Harvey. Many were in their twenties. They said you are like that cool uncle who tries to act 'frat-boyish'."

His mouth hangs open.

She continues. "Well, there are rumors around the office that you smoked pot with Mike and peed in Louis's office."

"You didn't feel like denying those rumors? I thought you were my friend, Donna."

"One is that however much you deny the truth, the truth goes on existing Harvey."

"Very clever, Orson Wells. But are you saying Mike got a better grading than mine?"

"Don't trick me Harvey! I will not talk about Mike! But I can still talk about you, maybe then you could, I don't know…WORK on being a better man?" she giggles.

"Fair. I do want to know. I know women love me. If they could love me even more, even If I doubt that is possible, that would be great."

"Some said you can be harsh and you make douchy comments. You were mean to some of them… Also, they said you look like you have too much baggage and you're uptight. They all agreed you seem like a lot to handle and they praised me for staying with you that long… But yeah, according to them you are handsome. Well dressed. Well-groomed…great hair."

She adds laughing. "Too bad your great hair days are now long gone, Harvey!"

"Is it that bad," he starts whining.

"When the nurse changed your bandage I saw and it wasn't pretty. You have bruises and staples. The hair you have left is matted and in patches."

"So I can't cover it up with a backward cap, like those boys in Clueless?"

She puts a hand on his shoulder. "No Harvey. Military style buzzcut."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: …if you need some Darvey sexual tension after episode 504 this chapter is for you.**

 **I sure need it *drowns in a pool of tears***

 **I finished writing the whole story, I only have a few corrections to make on the other chapters, so I'll update quickly! Don't forget to leave me a note, it always put a smile on my face! Thanks for reading.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5:**

Harvey falls asleep somewhere around the first hour of 'Pretty Woman'. Donna can see that the pain is back. He stops watching the movie and tries to find a comfortable position, groaning. After a while she finally feels his head resting on her shoulder, his mouth open, as he is breathing heavily. She watches the remaining of the movie in that position, trying not to move even if he feels quite heavy on her shoulder. Being near him feels…homey. After all these years working together, it must be normal, she thinks. After all, she spent so many hours at this firm, working with this man, it became her home and he was part of it. Even after all these years she remembers how he smell, clean cotton shirt with a hint of cologne and a little something else, that smell that is so Harvey and that she can't really describe. That same smell that invaded her senses last night when he kissed her. That smell that lingers in the air around her right now.

She has to push this thought away. She doesn't want to get hurt. She wants them to be friends. She needs them to be friends.

'

'

When the movie is over, she gently pushes him aside, making sure his neck rests comfortably on the back of the couch. She sits on her knees and starts removing his head bandage. He opens his eyes and looks at her attentively.

"I don't know if the gauze will be stuck to your wound or not," she says softly, her hands working around the bandage.

"I'm there. Don't move Harvey."

She puts a hand on his right cheek to make sure he will not move. The few bruises he had on his cheek have started to heal and she brushes her thumb over his cheek. Because he hasn't shaved since Sunday he has a light stubble that tickles her fingers. He leans into her touch and closes his eyes. She carefully removes the gauze as she sees him gritting his teeth. There is a little blood and a crust but the non-stick bandage is easy to remove.

"You can open your eyes, big wuss. It's over."

"It hurts when you touch near the wound, but I know we still have to clean it. I'm so tired…"

She can see his discomfort and she gets up, offering him a smile. He lies down on his side, his head on the cushion.

Donna gathers everything she needs: shampoo, soap, hair clipper, towels. She puts everything on the kitchen counter and looks at the sink.

"Huh Harvey. Do you have a veggie spray?"

He shakes his head from side to side.

"Maybe we could still do it in the kitchen sink Donna…" he says.

She takes the recommendations sheet they handed out at the hospital and reads it again.

"We have to avoid excessive exposition to water. We can't really soak your head under the sink, Harvey… I think you will have to wash your hair in the shower and-…"

"I'm dizzy. I don't want to stand up in the shower!" He interrupts her.

When he is in pain he is like a whiny toddler. She expects him to throw a tantrum in the next 5 minutes. But he really has to take a shower anyway, he has to wash his hair and wound. She takes everything that was set on the kitchen counter to the bathroom and she comes back to the living room to see Harvey, face down on a cushion.

She sits on the couch, her back near his torso. "Harvey?" she calls.

He makes a muffled sound.

"Dear God! Are you crying? Harvey…How old are you?"

He turns his head a little, his eyes red. "No I'm not crying. But it hurts… I need a pill."

"No. You don't. We are going to wash your hair, I'm going to take care of you and then you will go to bed clean and happy," she tells him.

He makes a goofy smile. "You will take care of me? And I'll be happy? I am not that easy Donna!"

She takes a cushion and hits him a few times on the arm and torso while he's laughing. She is happy when they are having fun like that. That is what she missed the most, their sweet camaraderie and teasing.

She feels like they are slowly rebuilding something. Even if they kissed less than 24 hours ago, she finally feels like there is less tension between them. She isn't sure what they are building though.

"Trust me. It won't hurt that much Harvey. Let's go."

'

'

Since his walk to his bedroom is unsteady and weak, Donna decides he should put on swim trunks. The possibility of him needing her help is too high, and the last thing she wants is to help a naked Harvey. She helps him to remove his t-shirt and then, she goes to his dresser and borrow one of his t-shirt and boxer shorts for herself. There is no way she will shave his head wearing one of her cute outfit. She takes the clothes and goes to the bathroom where she changes and waits for him.

She opens the shower door and turns the water on, making sure it is the right temperature and that there isn't too much pressure.

He enters the bathroom, his hand on the wall helping him keep steady.

It is weird, seeing him like this. No thousand dollar Tom Ford suit. He's only wearing a simple, dark blue swim trunk. He gained a few pounds since they slept together-after all, he's now in his 40s- but he still looks damn fine and she feels the need to catch her breath…so she decides she should definitely look WAY UP.

"Your hair is horrible Harvey! Hop into the shower!"

'

'

The water is warm, just perfect. He decides he'll do his hair last, cleaning himself up first. Donna was very specific that he has to rub the wounded area gently and he shouldn't scrub… Did she checked him out? It was only a few seconds but he's sure he saw her eyes roaming his chest.

He will never understand this woman. Earlier today she said they are friends and she is only here to help, and now…what? He shakes his head, he already has a headache he doesn't need to add anxiety to the mix. He bends down to pick up the bottle of shampoo and suddenly feels off-balance and hits his head.

"OUCH!" He puts his hand on his head.

"Are you okay Harvey?" he hears outside the shower.

"Yeah I just hit my head…but I'm all right…" he replies.

He starts cleaning his hair very gently. He didn't even checked in the mirror before going in, he wasn't interested in seeing how bad he looks. For the first time his fingers are assessing the damages. Donna was right. An area was shaven off and they did a bad job because it seems he's missing some patches here and there. Maybe they shaved it to see if there were other injuries? Or maybe the nurse was just the worst at shaving hair, who knows? He lightly rubs the wound, feeling the staples. Donna told him he should try working the "crusties" out. But it hurts. He lathers the shampoo, eyes closed until he feels something weird and sticky on his fingers. He opens his eyes and sees blood on his fingertips.

"Shit."

"What Harvey?" says Donna sitting legs crossed on the bathroom floor, reading a magazine.

"Nothing…just a little blood on my hands."

She gets up, slightly nervous. "Wait. Are you bleeding?"

"It might be old blood, I cleaned my wound… Don't worry," he says trying to sound confident.

He lightly puts his hand on the wound again and looks at his hand. There is still a lot of shampoo. But also blood. And it doesn't seem like old blood.

"Huh…Donna? I checked and…I think I'm bleeding and huh..."

He can't even finish his sentence Donna has opened the door and she is in the shower. Her long red hair is getting wet and he decides it might be best for their friendship if he would firmly close his eyes.

He feels her hands on his head. He shivers under her touch. It isn't the first time he is in a shower with Donna Paulsen putting her hands on his head. Last time, they had to clean whipped cream off their bodies and he got down on his knees while she was moaning his name, her fingers massaging his scalp. He is thinking that right now would be the right time to think about his father's death or his baseball injury or that puppy he and Marcus had that got hit by a car, because if he keeps thinking about that "other time" he will end up fucking her against the glass door.

"There isn't a lot of blood Harvey. Your wound looks fine. I read it is normal to have a small amount of bloody or clear fluid oozing from the wound. But you still have a lot of shampoo to rinse out, let me help."

He can't even protest before he feels her hands massaging his scalp. He thinks he might faint soon because he's tackling the herculean task of trying to stop all the blood rushing to his dick. He squeezes his eyes even tighter to make sure he can't catch a glimpse of her.

"Are you okay Harvey? You look in pain…" she asks. "All the shampoo is gone, you can open your eyes…you seem unstable I'll help you get out."

He has to open his eyes. He sees her extending her arm to turn the shower off. She's wearing his t-shirt and boxer shorts and the clothes are sticking to her body. Her hair seems longer when it's wet and he looks at her long mane, all the way down to her breasts. She isn't wearing a bra and the t-shirt she is wearing is translucent… He turns around QUICKLY. Hitting his head. Again.

"Harvey! What the hell?" she screams.

He rubs his forehead. He'll probably have a bruise but the positive thing is that the blood is now rushing to his forehead instead of downstairs.

"I'm cold," he laments, just give me my towel.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** ( **SPOILERS** )

 **I'm speechless. If you haven't seen episode 505 go see it now! We see Harvey Specter dreaming about Donna Paulsen in his bed and yes I DIED. But like his therapist implied, he has issues he has to work on (abandonment issues), and yeah that is kind of what we've seen in this fic. I do think Donna has some issues too… We want them together but I know it isn't something easy and there's a lot of hurt on their path to happiness…**

 **Anyway, enough blabbering about the episode (sorry I'm still in shock!) enjoy this chapter and PLEASE feed me with reviews, it makes me come back! Love!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6:**

He's been acting strange since he got out of the shower. He hasn't said a word except to snap at her or whine. Things we're going great earlier today, she doesn't know what the hell happened.

She's looking at the man sitting on the kitchen stool. Harvey's eyes are closed and he's taking deep breaths like he's fighting nausea or…annoyance? She's standing close to him, between his knees while she's maneuvering the clipper. She has never considered herself a barber but so far she thinks she is doing a great job. He just begged her to use the number 2 blade guard so he doesn't end up completely bald.

"Is it over yet?" he cries.

"Geez Harvey. It is the fourth time you asked, be patient."

"All I ever do is be patient, Donna!"

"All you EVER do Harvey? Really? Patience never was your strongest trait. Now could you stop moving so I can finish?" she says as she puts a hand on his shoulder and he jerks back.

"Harvey stop moving! Give me 10 seconds," she asks.

"Just don't touch me…please." He whispers.

She raises a questioning eyebrow while finishing her job. She extends her arm to clip the remaining behind his head and as her body come closer to his bare chest. She sees him closing his eyes again, digging his nails in his knees.

"Harvey. I have to touch you to do the back of your head, it won't be long. I'm so sorry if it hurts a little but it is almost over…" She puts a hand on his shoulder, fingers reaching to his neck. Then she felt it. The electricity between them, heat radiating from his body as a shiver went down his spine.

Shit. The realization hits her like a freight train.

She always claimed she could read him. There are just some things she'd rather ignored.

"You can open your eyes. I'm done," she says in a quavering voice.

"Thanks," he mouths, barely audible. He gets up, brushes the hair off his shoulders and throws the towel on the ground. Not once he lets his eyes glance at her. She sees him disappear in his bedroom closing the door behind him.

She sits on the kitchen stool, her whole body shaking.

Harvey wants her.

She is trying to be friends with a man who wants to fuck her. Like he fucked half of Manhattan. She is trying to convince herself that it has nothing to do with love. It's the proximity.

He can't be in love with her. Since she left his desk that's an evidence she tried convincing herself with. He had twelve years to do something about it, to act on his feelings, and he didn't.

Sure, she can see he enjoys being with her. They always had fun together. She still smiles when she recalls that awful dinner party. She made him laughed so much he spat a piece of shrimp in her mother's hair. They were always like two best friends who only had to glance at each other to know what the joke was all about. She really missed him and all their conversations and banters when they weren't on speaking terms.

Just a few hours ago she felt they were on the path to have that back, finally.

She wants to cry, she feels like she's on a roller coaster. In less than 48 hours they had more ups and downs than in their 12 years relationship.

She repeats in her head the same tune she's been chanting for the past twelve years: I am NOT in love with Harvey Specter. The more she repeats it, the more it sounds like a lie. This is all too much. She gets up and sits on the couch, crying, face in her hands.

He opens the door and barges in the living room with a newfound energy. He stands in front of her. He looks tired and broken. She's pretty sure he cried, his eyes are bloodshot.

"Why are you really here Donna?" he asks, out of breath like he just ran a marathon.

She sits straighter, rubbing her palms on her knees. "I wanted to…"

"You are going to tell me you wanted to help me and that's not the whole truth. Cut the crap, Donna." He doesn't sound mad. The sound of his voice is just firm and decisive. She realizes the marathon analogy is appropriate. He's had enough, they are at the finish line.

She raises her eyes to look at him. His dark eyes are boring into hers.

"We were broken Harvey… I wanted us to rebuild" Her voice falters. "…something."

He tilts his head to the side as he always did to encourage her to talk more. He sits on the couch.

"…I don't know what exactly. I just…when the hospital called me I didn't think. I needed to be near you, like we used to be," she continues, her voice shaking.

"And once I was there, I didn't want to leave. I wanted us to be okay."

"You are important to me Donna…I need us to be okay," he admits in a low and reassuring voice.

She looks at him. Really looks at him. He's sitting on her right, in the exact same position as that time before he got up and told her what would altered their friendship forever.

Same man, it is just a different couch. Same man, she repeats to herself.

Same man, same problems.

Same emotionally unavailable man.

Same man she gave all those years to, waiting… Without him ever realizing what was in front of him.

Same man who broke her heart.

Same man she denied herself from loving all those years… he is here and as much as she was hurt, as much as she fought it, now, she is just tired of denying herself the pleasure of tasting what she's longed for.

All her defenses crumbles and she grabs his neck with both hands pulling him even closer. Their mouths are fused together and she feels like they are fighting somehow, his tongue battling hers. She lies back down on the couch, her leg sliding over his, as he kisses her face and neck. She's trying to be soft, not touching his head and supporting his weight, after all, he is injured. But she is about to lose control. She bites his lower lip and he deepens the kiss. She feels one of his hand trailing from her waist to her breast, pushing her bra and caressing her as he runs his thumb lightly on the peak. She slides her right hand all the way down his back, teasing under the elastic of his boxer shorts.

"I want you so much," he says between hurried kisses. She sucks on his neck trying to taste more of him, biting him. Everything is rushed. She feels like she is on that roller coaster again but it feels so good. She wraps both legs over his and moves her grip from his waist to his butt, encouraging him to push himself against her. He pulls her closer, his arms around her and she can feel his wrist brace scratching her back. This is all too real. She feels him, his desire pressing against her most sensitive spot between her legs and she knows that if she doesn't stop this right here right now they are probably going to dry hump and be done in less than 5 minutes like two teenagers in their parents' basement. It is all too clear now, why they never touch. It all leads to this. Every touch between them is like fire. The kiss the other night was just him apologizing. Or being weak after the accident.

She pushes his torso and he stops.

"Harvey…" She swallows heavily. She can't believe she is stopping this.

"I think…" She is out of breath. She can't even remember where she is going with this.

He stops kissing her, and grabs her face with both hands, resting his forehead on hers. "Donna. Please stop thinking. I need you."

Need. She feels like she's back at square one. The thing is, she needs it too. For closure.

But this time she will do it right. After tonight, he will ask her to come back work for him. She will say no. She will move on.

She slides her hand under his boxers, hooks her fingers on the elastic and tries to pull them down as she feels one of his hand gently pulling them up.

"You don't want this…" he says, a bit of sadness in his voice.

She ups her gaze at him.

"Donna, you stopped me. Now I feel like I'm forcing you into doing something you are going to regret later. That's the last thing I want." He sits on the couch. She immediately misses the warmth of his body. She sits too.

"Now what?" he asks.

"I guess I should leave…" she murmurs as she is trying to swallow a lump in her throat.

She sees it and she recognizes it now. That same painful expression he had that night she told him she was going to work with Louis. At the time she didn't know.

He's heartbroken. But she has to do what's best for her because he could never love her the way she wants to be loved. He could never give her exactly what she needs. But yet, she is confused, because as she is packing her bags, she feels like she already misses him. She has to set her mind straight. She has to put herself and her needs first.

"I'll make sure someone stops by later this evening, Harvey…" She says without even looking at him. She is walking to the door. He walks to her side, and she feels his hand burning her arm.

"Don't go." He breathes, his voice shaking.

She manages to turn her head and look at him. "You never once gave me a reason why I shouldn't Harvey."

His hand falls and balls into fists on his sides, she walks straight to the door not once looking back.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'm so sorry it took me a few weeks to update. Summer vacation. I'm back and I'll try to update regularly. Don't worry, I'm all about a happy ending and our two favorite idiots won't end up miserable so please stick around for the fun ahead.

Please continue leaving comments, those put the biggest smile on my face!

* * *

 **Chapter 7:**

His heart is pounding out of his chest as he feels another wave of nausea hitting him, his stomach twisting. His head hurts too, like he's been hit repeatedly. He wonders if he should take an anti-anxiety pill or pain meds but he can't move, everything is spinning around him. He called his therapist as soon as Donna left but she was with a patient and she could only see him tomorrow. He can't believe he now needs someone to talk to, as he first started going to a therapist mostly because he wanted pills to numb the pain. But the woman wouldn't prescribed anything without him talking. He hates talking about his feelings but he now has to admit it was somewhat liberating. The last time he had a session with her, she helped him realized he also has 'losing-control anxiety', and that Donna probably didn't like losing control either, to some degree. So that's why he and Donna were stuck in an impasse. His fear of abandonment, thanks to his damn mother, prevented him from risking anything for something that isn't certain. But when it comes to relationships, there isn't any certainty. Demanding near-perfect certitude from something you can't predict, like a relationship, is bullshit. On his knees on the cold bathroom floor, head resting in his hands he realizes he knows all this.

"I get you are ready to talk about your Donna issues?"

He opens his eyes to see two long, dark legs in black stilettos. Jessica. He didn't hear her coming in.

"What are you doing here?" he mumbles as he tries sitting a bit straighter, but his hands still firmly grasping the toilet bowl.

"Hello to you too, Harvey. Donna called me…it seems you needed a babysitter." Her tone is flat and she doesn't smile. She doesn't seems amused at all by the situation. In fact, she looks quite pissed off.

"Jessica, sorry but why would Donna called you and not Mike or Marcus?" He tries to sound confident and cocky. But he's on the floor hanging to a toilet seat so he has no chance of winning and Jessica retorts sharply, fists on her waist.

"Because I specifically texted her to call ME if she had problems dealing with my most problematic son."

He looks at her in dismay "and all this time I thought Louis was your most problematic son."

"Well, I had to talk to him while he was mudding. Once. And I'd rather forget about it. But I never had to talk to him while he had his head resting on a toilet seat." She gives him a wry smile while he hunches his shoulders miserably.

He closes his eyes. "Jessica…I'm…sick."

"Harvey, I know." Her tone is soft, motherly, very un-Jessica. "You've been since Donna left." She exhales and shakes her head. "Now take a shower, you're disgusting, we'll talk after. Or I'll talk and you will shut your big mouth and listen to me," she says turning around on her heels.

'

'

When he comes out of the bathroom, wearing a clean t-shirt and chino pants, Jessica is sitting on the leather couch legs crossed, sipping tea. He thinks that is funny, how she always felt at home in his condo. Their relationship always fell somewhere between her being a mentor, him being her protégé, she somehow became family. One thing for sure she always wanted the best for him and he knew he could trust her. She looks at him. "Looking much better Harvey."

"Well, I can use my wrist a little now so I don't need help getting dressed. Also, I have a new haircut so women can see my head wound and offer to count my staples in bed… " He motions to his head. She is shaking her head and he knows he has to stop.

Taking one last sip of tea, she puts her cup down.

"Harvey stop deflecting. Now sit," she says pointing to the couch in front of her. He does as told, a bit nervous because he knows she is about to make him face the cold hard truth.

"So…Mike called me after seeing you this week. To tell me you were obviously going through some shit and I'm not talking about the accident," says Jessica steadily. "Then I got this text from Rachel, telling me you were not fine and she did because I asked her to keep an eye on you before and tell me if things go wrong."

He really is lost for words, he only nods his head.

"But you see Harvey, I know you've been seeing a therapist and I thought you were going to get your shit together." Jessica presses on. "Donna wouldn't leave your side as soon as the hospital called her. I was sure you were going to stop being a goddam idiot and do something about all this." She slightly bends forward, hands on her knees looking deadly serious. "Today Donna called me. She said she couldn't DEAL with you anymore. DEAL, Harvey. If Donna Paulsen can't deal with you maybe it's time I kick your ass!"

She's glaring at him and he isn't sure if it is his cue to talk or not.

"She was the one who was there for you at the hospital Harvey," Jessica adds in an exasperated tone. "Harvey she came back! If I look at you two the pattern seems to be that she comes back and you screw it. What happened this time?"

Well, this is uncomfortable. Jessica is worse than his therapist, mostly because he can't start to yell, scream, and leave. There's silence for a few seconds as he contemplates his options. He is so tired, he decides to let her in. Like he did with his therapist.

"She went to Louis because I told her I love her…" He is surprised at his own voice, timid, whiny. Very unconvincing.

Jessica shakes her head lifting her hand. "Oh no Harvey. That's not it. Because if that was the case she would be sitting on your couch right now and I would be at home eating seafood and drinking wine. Think harder. Why did she went Louis?"

He rubs his scalp, trying to push the panic bubbling inside him away.

"She asked me HOW I love her and I couldn't answer."

She hisses at him "Harvey. Couldn't. Or WOULDN'T?"

He lets out a breath. Jessica hasn't pleaded in court for years but she still is the fiercest opponent you could face.

"Wouldn't. Because I was scared that's not what she wanted and I could lose her. Then I did."

"Okay so Harvey. Twelve years ago I saw in front of me a man who wouldn't work at the firm without a woman. You were already falling in love with her," she said matter-of-factly.

He wants to protest, say it is more complicated than that but he knows she will see right through him so he just nods.

She continues. "You thought that by not mentioning it, it wouldn't exists. But it was there, Harvey. And it grew. Your love for her grew without you even acknowledging it existed. And when that intent to commit fraud thing happened it just hit you in the face that there was still something there. And you panicked."

She doesn't even let him add a word.

"Remember the fake trial? I wondered what kind of damage was done to you that you don't show to people you care about them. Now I know why. Someone probably used you and abandoned you. I'm going to say your mother. Somewhere along the line, someone else might have used you against someone you cared about. But the problem is, Donna is already IN, Harvey. She has been in for all those years and she stick there by your side through all your shit, but you are too chicken to say anything. You keep pushing her away and she keeps coming back. I wonder what made her leave this time."

He can't even look at her. He can't believe he's spent hours in therapy and all this time his friend had him all figured out. He has his face in both hands and can't look at her.

"I told her I need her. I miss her…" He sighs. "I kissed her because I wanted to but she wanted to know what I wanted exactly but I don't know what SHE wants!" Harvey exhales sharply. "The next morning she said she wanted to be friends and would leave if I try to kiss her again. So yes I panicked. I didn't want to see her leave again." He rubs his temples with his thumbs and decides it is better to skip the shower part. He then thinks about Donna's body pressed against his on this couch and hates himself vehemently. "And today she kissed me. Then she left."

He opens his eyes and sees between his fingers that Jessica is smirking.

"Oh Harvey. You are lying. What happened today?" She points a finger to his neck, smiling. He quickly reaches the skin of his neck with his fingertips and feels the slight bump. He remembers Donna's lips on his neck and the hottest make-out session of all his adult years.

When he was a teenager his mom didn't pay any attention to him. She was out fucking some guy. But he's pretty sure what he is feeling right now is the closest thing he will ever feel to knowing how a teenage boy who just had sex at home without his parents' consent must feel like. He feels like Jessica is grilling him. He doesn't feel like lying.

"We…" He doesn't know how to say it without sounding like a jerk. He doesn't talk about sex with his friend/boss/managing partner. He swallows. "I…okay. We we're in the process of doing it, but she stopped me, " he admits. "I told her I needed her."

She smiles ruefully. "And that is my firm best closer! Harvey! How does that make her feel different from any other women?"

"She knows she is different. I told her more than once…"

"Stop telling her you need her, tell her what makes her different! Harvey she can't spend her life waiting for you to be ready. Sometimes you have to try even if you aren't ready. You aren't even willing to try!"

"Like you did with Jeff? He left!"

"At least I tried. You didn't. Donna left to. But Harvey let me tell you this, the difference between what you and Donna have and what Jeff and I had is that your relationship with Donna is deep-rooted, that's why she keeps coming back. But one day she won't."

Jessica gets up.

"You are leaving?" Harvey says in surprise.

"Yes. I'm not needed here anymore. Harvey, you are going to see Donna."

"For God's sake. Jessica…" He mutters. "Donna is so mad."

"She will calm down after yelling at you a bit when you finally tell her HOW you love her."

"I don't know how I…"

"Yes you do. I told you once to think about what your life would be like without her. It was wise advice but now let me tell you this: think about what your life is WITH her. You just spent twelve years being closer to that woman that I've ever been to anyone. She lived with you for the past 48 hours. Make a goddam effort Harvey."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for making you wait so long guys...This chapter was a bit hard to write. It was really emotionally HEAVY and as you probably saw from my other fics (check Lovecats! LOL) I'm usually more of a funny-fluffy kinda gal. I hope you'll like this and that it will make you smile (-: #goDarvey**

* * *

 **Chapter 8:**

She decided against calling Mike or Rachel to check on Harvey. She was sure he wouldn't let them in. He looked sad when she left so she called Jessica knowing the woman wouldn't be impressed by his distress. She also had the key to his condo in case he would not answer.

She texted Rachel to let her know she was home but wanted to be alone. They would talk tomorrow.

Sitting on her couch, Donna remembers his heartbroken expression.

He definitely wanted her to stay. Just thinking about it brings tears to her eyes. This is it. It was the final blow. No coming back. This time she left for good. She needs time to forget how to live without being part of that team they were for twelve years. Folding her legs up beneath her on the couch, she reaches for the bottle of red wine and pours herself another glass.

Maybe he had a point. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants anymore. One part of her wants to get away and move on, but somewhere buried inside her lies a tiny hope that he will make some grand romantic gesture while declaring his undying love for her.

But that is not who he is. He couldn't even answered HOW he loves her. She is shaking her head while taking another gulp of the warm, red liquid. He doesn't love her the way she wants to be loved. He didn't answered because he didn't want to hurt her and loose her as a friend. She is done lying to herself that she is okay. She isn't. What he gave her wasn't enough and it is time to make space in her heart for someone else than this goddam idiot that is Harvey Specter.

She abandons drinking from a glass and begins drinking from the bottle, removing the middle man for easier access to the numbing tool. Suddenly, she hears someone knocking on the door. She gets up, her slow movements making her realize that she probably drank way more than she intended to. She really hopes Rachel is the person on the other side.

"Who's there?" She asks as she walks towards the door.

"Donna…it's me."

She stops. Paralyzed.

"Harvey. Go away."

She hears him shuffle against the door. "Please Donna… let me in."

She inhales sharply, trying to muster the courage to push him away one last time. "Harvey. I am done letting you in. You had your chance… for twelve years!"

She hears what she is pretty sure is his forehead hitting the door. "Donna," he pleads in that voice she always found hard to resist. "I know I acted like an undeserving jerk…" There is a pause. "For twelve years. C'mon we need to talk, open the door!"

She feels tears starting to prickle her eyes. "Harvey…just go. I can't do this anymore," she says, her voice shaking.

She hears him exhales loudly and then, stepping away. Is he gone?

Silence.

It's over. She starts sobbing uncontrollably, reaching for more red wine.

'

'

He is in the staircase, each step taking him farther away from Donna's apartment. He feels like he's forgetting something… Maybe he dropped something important? He fumbles with the keys in his pockets and the urge to throw up is strong.

He slows his step and grasps the handrail. He tries building his walls up, convincing himself he is going to be okay. He is handsome, he can have any woman he wants. He feels sick, again. His stomach lurch every time he imagines his life without her. He never felt this alone in his entire life. The important thing missing from his life is her. He realizes he is running away from his feelings, again.

He turns around and goes straight back to her apartment, knocking louder than he ever did before "Donna! Open this goddamn door! If you don't, I don't care! All your neighbors will hear what I have to say!"

He hears her steps approaching. "Harvey…just…please. It's enough. Go." She cries in a weak voice.

He presses his forehead to the door, he feels so dizzy. His head hurts but he is going to do this anyway.

"Donna. I need to tell you how… Listen to me please," he screams. He hears a door opening across the hall. A man dressed in a black t-shirt wearing sweats looks angry.

"Hey Miss Paulsen. You want me to call the police or are you going to let this asshole in, he's waking up the whole complex!"

The door next to Donna's apartment opens too. A short woman that looks in her 50s takes a look at Harvey. Deciding he doesn't look very threatening, she shoots him a deadly gaze, pushes him aside and knocks on the door. "Miss Paulsen. Do you need us to call someone…? We all need to work in the morning!"

Donna, exasperated, opens the door. "I'm sorry Mary-Ann. My ex-boss… As you can see he's been hit on the head and he is just a wacko now. I'll deal with him more quietly, thanks."

Harvey gets in the apartment and as soon as Donna closes the door she slaps him. HARD. His cheek is burning. "That was for making a show in front of all my neighbors," she hisses, her face reddened from rage. He already had bruises on that cheek but he feels like he deserves every ounce of pain he feels right now.

"You just don't get it, do you?" She says through gritting teeth. "I don't work for you anymore! I don't have to take your shit! I'm done Harvey!"

"Donna…" He's feeling increasingly dizzy. "Can we just sit and talk? Please…"

She motions to the couch. "Harvey, you have FIVE minutes."

He sits and sees the empty wine bottle. He was so determined to get in her apartment he haven't really looked at her once. She sits down beside him, leaving plenty of space between them. He makes the mistake of catching her eyes. He sees all the pain he caused her. She is a mess, he sees it now. He's the jerk who made her cry, the jerk who made her drink that bottle of wine. It is ironic, that he spent the past twelve years punching men who did that to her.

She deserves to know everything.

"Donna… You got pissed when I said I needed you. I think you want to know HOW I need you and HOW I love you. But you know what? As arrogant as I might be, I don't feel like I deserve to choose HOW I need you in my life."

"Need?" She echoes sarcastically.

He nods, feeling a Deja-vu. "Need. And I think you want me to say that I want you and need you in a very specific way, but truth is, I can't. And I won't. I don't deserve to make that choice." He swallows a lump in his throat. "Donna, you are the most amazing, beautiful woman I've ever met. I would take you as you want me to have you." His mouth twists into a half smile. "Even if it means to fake being platonic friends for twelve years."

He sees her flinch and decides he won't let her talk.

"…But since you've been pushing for an answer. Donna… I want everything. I want you to work at my desk again, if you want, so I can look at you whenever I like. I want you to butt in on every fucking little detail of my life, work or personal."

His hand reaches to her face, fingers tracing the line of her cheeks stained by tears.

"Donna…I want to wake up next to you in the morning. I want you to wash my hair like you did today. I want to watch movies curled up on the couch with you..." He moves closer to her, his hand traveling behind her head, fingers curled in her hair. Her lips are quavering. She's speechless.

"But also, Donna. I want to make love to you until you are breathless and out of words. Because it's been twelve years… And I remember every little detail of that night because that's when I knew I couldn't let you walk away. I tried to keep you the only way I knew how to…by asking you to come work for me. You had your rule… I respect you, Donna." He shakes his head and continues. "You don't know how many dreams I had about you, it's driving me crazy!"

Her mouth hangs open. He doesn't want to make a move without permission. She isn't moving or talking. He lets his hands drops to his knees.

This is worse than any panic attack he ever had. Almost like an out-of-body experience. He's drained physically. He is in so much pain from the accident. Now she is torturing him mentally by not saying a word, but he somehow feels like he deserves it. He has waited too long to say what he needed to say. "Donna? Please…" He asks, closing his eyes. "Say something."

The silence is unbearable. He opens his eyes and sees her cry. She hasn't moved an inch. She seems like she is waiting for something…

"Donna. I'm not going anywhere until you say what's on your mind."

She opens her mouth to speak and he is on the edge of his seat, waiting. Feeling lightheaded, he leans back, his head resting on the cushion.

'

'

She is always the one who asks. The one who talks. This time, she won't say a thing. She counts to a hundred… Because when things get intense he leaves.

That's what Harvey Specter always does. He opens up and then builds walls up again, then he pushes people away. That's what he did when he told her she's different. When he told her he loves her. She couldn't take it anymore so she left.

She has to admit what he just said to her was everything she dreamed of. But she has to know if he's going to retreat again.

Even if all this seems very real, for once.

…A hundred.

He is still there. Eyes closed, on her couch.

"You are still there…" She says her voice barely above a whisper.

He opens his eyes. "Donna, I came here to rebuild…whatever you want. But I've been clear on what I want. I'm just waiting for you to decide. I'm not going anywhere." He shakes his head, his voice sincere. "Never."

She lifts her hand to his jaw, smoothing her fingers against his stubble. "I like the scruff…" She says softly. He leans into her touch as her hand moves down to his arm taking his wrist and she slowly pulls him on top of her, her body melting into the couch. Resting on his elbow, he's staring at her attentively. His face is inches from hers. She can feel his breathe tickling her face. She can feel the warmth of him enveloping her, breathing in the faint scent of aftershave that has always been his since they met in that bar.

"Harvey, I love you," she says softly.

He starts to laugh nervously. "I would be lying if I'd say I never thought about this moment. I thought about it. A LOT," he admits as his fingers brush her cheeks. He looks deep into her eyes. "I love you too, Donna."

They start kissing again, this time more hungrily. Soon enough, their hands travel under their clothes, as their fingertips slide against warm skin. He pushes her sweater over her head, unclasps her bra, his hands caressing her breast. She removes his t-shirt throwing it on the floor and she moves to straddle his waist, their skin brushing against one another. The kisses become more urgent and she hears herself moaning in his mouth, her fingernails leaving moon-shaped marks on his shoulders. The warmth of him gives her goosebumps, she can't control herself anymore and she moves so to push a hand in his pants, fingers finding him.

He shuts his eyes biting his lips. "Donna…please. I can't…" He swallows and grabs her wrist, stopping her movement. For a moment she is confused. "Donna…If you want EVERYTHING please stop because I swear to god, I've been dreaming about this for so long, I'm…going to lose it."

"Best closer in New York City?" She murmurs with a smile.

"That was until I was given permission to sleep with the hottest woman in Manhattan," he retorts as he gives her the sweetest most sincere smile ever.

She pushes herself on her knees, as her hands find the waistband of his pants and drags them down, helping herself with one foot to push his trousers and boxers down his legs. Harvey hooks his fingers in the side of her pants he pulls them down in one swift movement leaving her wearing only black lace panties. She climbs onto his lap again, melting herself against him as she feels his fingers pushing aside the crotch of her panties, slipping between her folds. Every touch is like fire and he brings her to sweet release rapidly. She holds on to his shoulders, leaving a trail of kisses in his neck. She kisses the bruises on his cheek and lightly brushes her fingers against the staples on his head. "Harvey, let me be on top," she whispers. He raises one eyebrow. "Harvey, you've been in an accident…Last thing I want is you to pass out before we're done."

"I'm the lawyer but you were always the one with the best arguments." He smirks.

She slowly lowers herself on him as he cups her ass, his back resting against the couch. She leans towards him, craving to feel all of him inside her. He kisses her lips as his hand finds her hand, his fingers closing firmly around hers.

She never had anyone holding her hand while having sex. She feels how this is different from all the other times she had sex in her life. With Harvey, they always were a team. A "WE". She remembers that time in his office, years ago when he said "WE just made partners". She should have known then… What she feels, the realization of how much more than friends they always were, is overwhelming. She feels like they are one. He is inside her, his forehead resting on her forehead, his nose brushing against hers as she is rolling her hips in a way that makes pleasure build in the pit of her stomach. Everything finally feels right.

The other time was giggles and whipped cream, this time feels like a conclusion.

Twelve years of keeping the cover on the pot, of lying about their feelings… Everything has been building up to this moment. They are breathing in unison, until she moans his name and he shuts her up with a passionate kiss. Her heart is beating out of her chest, she is breathless. He is still holding her hand. She feels him tightening his grasp, their fingers intertwined. She can feel his heartbeat through his fingertips and it drives her crazy. Her inner walls clench around him as he follows her into that place they only could reach faded into each other.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry if I left you all hangin'! Oops! I wrote a few other fics and forgot to update this one (how mean of me, it was waiting in my computer).**

 **Here's the penultimate chapter of Rebuild. I hope you will like it. PLEASE leave a comment, let me know what you think. Your comments are my emotional-paychecks! Lovexoxo**

* * *

 **Chapter 9:**

He wakes up and sees glimpses of sunlight between the blinds.

He still feels incredibly tired. But he would surely make love to her again before falling back to sleep. He smiles at the concept: making love. He's way into his forties but he finally knows the definition. He's had great sex in his life, amazing sex that he confused for love, but what he had last night was on another level. Probably because somewhere along the way, their lives became so complicatedly interwoven, the love was there long before the lovemaking.

Donna has him wrapped around her little finger. He's in love with her. He wants to make her happy. Last night, for the first time in his life, he couldn't care less if he had sex or not. He just wanted to please her, make her happy, and feel her wanting him.

He realized that from now on, making her happy will be his own happiness.

Everything that surrounds him in Donna Paulsen's bed is happiness. The warmth of her body in his arms, the softness of her naked skin under his hands, the traces of perfume that he smells while his lips gently kisses her neck.

"Hmmm…good morning Harvey," she mumbles without opening her eyes.

"Good morning Debbie, you were hot last night," he teases her, his hand sneaking dangerously low.

She laughs and gives him a little slap on the shoulder. "You've slept with too many women, Specter, you can't keep names straight."

"Donna, you and I both know it was because I couldn't have the only woman I really wanted."

She opens her eyes and blinks a few times. "Am I awake? I'm not used to you being so…honest."

He wants to tell her this is it.

He wants to tell her there will never be another random Debbie.

He wants to tell her he has never been more scared of losing someone in his whole life.

But he can't. He's overwhelmed.

His hands grabs her waist and pulls her near. His lips finds hers and he kisses her, claiming her, making her feel all of his need. She tries to roll on top but he pins her arms above her head and settles on top of her, heavy. Not giving her any possibility of trying another position. He grins down at her. She rolls her eyes.

"You know Harvey…if you want to eat breakfast at my place this morning, you're going to have to pay for it," she states matter-of-factly.

"Oh don't worry. I have a strong moral code. I wasn't planning on stealing anything. I'm about to pay for breakfast right now."

He starts kissing her again, his hands leave her wrists and start caressing her sides, all the way down to her hips. Donna's hands are slowly running up and down his back. He likes how it is slow, warm, and intimate. Her lips are pressed softly against his neck and he feels her breath hitch on his skin when he tries a finger inside her, feeling her ready and wanting more.

"If you stop now I will kill you," she whispers in his ear.

He smirks, teasing her bundle of nerves and then pulling out his finger slowly. He repeats the same motion a few times until she exhales his name on his face. He can't believe how sexy she is. His lips finds her lips, he deepens the kiss, aching to be inside her. He hears his own heart pounding. He feels light headed.

It hits him unexpectedly, like a crushing wave. It started slowly and could easily be mistaken for excitement at first, but this is definitely something else.

He feels like the bed is spinning. He rolls off of her, cold sweats dripping down his neck.

"Harvey, are you okay?" Donna mumbles, taking the hand that was on her stomach into her hand.

His throat feels so dry… "Hey. I just…Need a break." he manages to whisper.

She slowly turns on her side, looking at him. "Harvey, what's wrong?"

Her voice sounds metallic.

He grasps her hand a bit harder, closing his eyes.

"I'm… I don't know."

His own voice sounds weird.

He sits in the bed, both hands grasping his forehead. His head hurts. He feels dizzy and confused. He feels so nauseous too. But one thing for sure, he won't be sick all over Donna's bed. He tries to get up but the room is spinning around him. He feels Donna behind him, her arms closing around his body. "Harvey, you really don't seem well. Lay down…"

She pushes him gently against the mattress. He realizes he doesn't even have enough energy to fight her.

He groans, squeezing his eyes closed. "Donna, I feel like I'm going to faint even when I'm in bed. Our voices sound weird."

"Harvey, I'm going to call an ambulance," she says with hints of panic in her voice.

He grabs her wrist, preventing her from getting up. "Donna, don't! Please…" He begs.

"Harvey, then let me just call Ray. He will take us to the Emergency Room, just to make sure everything is okay," she offers in a lower voice.

He wants to protest, but he feels her fluttering kisses on his jaw, her hands massaging his torso and shoulders. The world stops spinning, she is his anchor.

"I love you Donna…" He's not sure he says it aloud or just thinks it as he falls asleep.

'

* * *

'

She tries to stay cool but she's worried. She tiptoes out of the room to call Ray. She manages to dress Harvey in a t-shirt and sweat pants. He can barely sits straight, he is really out of it, half-asleep, whining. Ray has to help him get in the car, help him buckle-up and then help him out into the E.R. Donna can see even Ray is worried, he insists she will call him as soon as she will have news on how Harvey is doing.

Harvey is very pale and keeps on complaining about being nauseous. He does not last a minute sitting straight, he ends up sloppily lying across two chairs, half-asleep.

Donna explains Harvey's latest symptoms to the nurse, trying to sound as calm as possible. When she mentions that he was admitted last weekend because of an accident, that he had a concussion and was released 48 hours ago, she sees something changing in the nurse's facial expression.

She can practically see the alarm bells being set off in the nurse's head.

They direct them to a room, helping him walk to the bed, where he lies on his side, eyes closed. Donna knows him enough to see he is in pain.

"Do you think you could give him pain meds? He hasn't taken them in more than twelve hours," she asks the nurses. They quickly check his vitals and say the Doctor will be there soon enough to take a decision concerning meds. But that they need to run some more tests as soon as possible.

To make sure they didn't miss something the first time.

She hears them talk amongst themselves while they're leaving the room.

They could have missed something like a slow brain hemorrhage. A blood clot.

She sits on Harvey's bed and takes his hand, squeezing it to get his attention.

He slowly opens his eyes and groans.

"Donna, I'm sorry for earlier…"

She lies down beside him, facing him, putting a hand on his stomach. "I don't understand Harvey…Sorry for what?"

"Unfinished business."

Even in the midst of this awful day, he knows how to make her smile. He always did.

"I'm so sorry you didn't get any return on your investment," she says while her hand softly travels down his thigh. "But I was very happy with the way you conducted business, Harvey."

Her lips meets his for a short kiss. He wraps an arm around her, cuddling closer. He has a worried frown.

"Donna… Are they going to roll me into a MRI machine again? I fucking hate that…"

"Yeah Harvey. They want to make sure they didn't miss anything in your head…some…clots. Or bleeding."

He sighs loudly. "The problem with having everything is that then you have everything to lose..." She closes her eyes, she can't bear seeing the pain on his face. She feels his lips leaving a soft kiss on her forehead. She processes the whole thing, opens her eyes.  
"Wait. Why are you comforting me? You're the one lying in bed with a damaged brain?"

"Because you need it…" He smiles, taking one of her hand into his, fingers intertwined. He chants in a low voice "Yoooou are in loooove with meeee."

She wants to counter that he is too. But two nurses enter the room, ruining the moment. "Time for the exam, Mister Specter." Donna reluctantly leaves the bed, standing up.

"Wait!" Harvey says. "You don't happen to have a can opener and a few thumbtacks?"

The nurses laugh. One of them say "I don't know what you would do with that and I'm not sure I want to know, but no we don't. And they're waiting for us now. Time to say goodbye to your lovely wife."

He smiles at Donna. Their eyes meet and she feels really vulnerable. "My kiss, Mrs. Specter?"

She rolls her eyes at him, trying to ignore how much she likes the sound of it. She leaves a kiss on his bruised cheek. She walks to the nearest of the three chairs scattered around the room.

They roll his bed out as he gives her a thumb up. Donna is left slumped in this stupidly cold metal chair. She can't keep it together anymore and starts to cry.

What if something happens? What if he has a blood clot? What if last night was the last night they will ever have?

She resents herself for making that stupid rule twelve years ago. And him for never breaking it.

Donna feels sad, confused, and hopeless. Very un-Donna. She opened herself to him and now she feels so vulnerable… She feels alone. She calls Rachel.

"Donna! Hi!" says Rachel cheerfully. "How's Harvey?"

"Rachel…I slept with Harvey…" Donna says, and she starts sobbing, unable to stop herself.

"Omg, Donna. Why are you crying? I know he can be a jerk sometimes but…you need to talk. Obviously. Want me to come over?"

Donna snorts. "Rachel…he…it was wonderful. It's just that…" She swallows her tears. "We're at the hospital right now. He's not fine."

"What happened!? Donna… I'm coming over."

"No don't. Maybe it's nothing. This morning when he woke up, he was fine at first, but them he became dizzy and confused," she says in a trembling voice. "They're running some tests."

She can't stop her friend. Rachel shows up twenty minutes later with two coffees and a box of six cupcakes.

That is Rachel grandest quality: she knows when words are unnecessary. They eat cupcakes, sitting on their uncomfortable chairs. The snack is delicious, comforting. That's exactly what she needed.

"I know you want to be alone. But I just wanted you to know I'm there and I love you, Donna." Rachel hugs her and as she is about to leave Donna says:

"Rach? I really want to talk about the most important emotional question."

Her friend stops and smiles. "Donna. I'm happy for you both…but he's still my boss. I'm not sure I want to know how…"

"Deep is his love for me?" finishes Donna, amused by Rachel embarrassment.

Rachel laughs. "Something like that."

"If it isn't with my best friend, with whom am I going to talk about my sexual prowess then?"

Rachel shakes her head and grabs her friend's hand. "Oh I didn't say I don't want to talk about it. I just said I don't want to talk about how much of him was in you."

"Rachel…it was…" Donna is searching for words. "Not only the sex… it was…" She starts crying. Her friends pulls her into a hug. "I know you love him so much. You always did. He's going to be okay Donna."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Big thanks to everyone who followed/read/left comments on this story! By the way, for those of you who don't know the title and topic of this story was inspired by a song from The Barenaked Ladies "Call and Answer (Rebuild). I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

"Miss Paulsen?" Doctor Cohen puts her hand on Donna's shoulder. The redhead, has been sitting in the hospital waiting room for the past hour, fighting back tears. She has never been more scared in her life.

She tries to say something but can't, not a sound coming out of her dry mouth.

"Mr. Specter should be forever thankful that you forced him to consult with us again. The scan showed he suffered subdural hemorrhage. To make it simple, that's bleeding around his brain. He has a blood clot. But it is rather small." The woman pauses, to make sure Donna understood everything. She's a seasoned doctor and Donna wonders how many time she's had to deliver that kind of news, or even worse…

"With a thin subdural hemorrhage like Mister Specter's, our usual approach is to watch, wait and re-scan, so we've decided against surgery. For now."

"Surgery?" Donna's hands are shaking. "What kind of surgery?"

"Miss. Paulsen for now we will just monitor him to see if the clot diminishes. If not, we will probably have to do a surgery that will most probably consist of drilling small burr holes to insert catheters and drain the clot."

She starts crying. "Is he…? Conscious?" She bites her lips. "Did he suffered any permanent damage?"

"No damage. He was responsive throughout all the tests and he's doing fine. Of course, he's very tired and he complained on having intense headache. So far there isn't any damage to his brain but… you have to understand we are still dealing with a brain injury. But since he's under our care we can monitor him and act instantly if his condition deteriorates."

Donna just nods.

"Right now he's sleeping and that's what best for him so a nurse will tell you when you can visit."

'

* * *

'

This coffee tastes awful. She bought chocolate in a vending machine and she's trying to melt a piece in her coffee to make the liquid edible.

She rarely wears jeans but today she is glad she did. If she wouldn't, she probably would have the pattern of this damn chair printed on her butt. Even with a sweater, she feels cold. She presses her big handbag against her chest. It's the one she bought with Harvey, after that 'thing' with Stephen Huntley. She remembers every detail vividly. How handsome Harvey was, waiting for her in his grey suit. That smirk he had when he proposed an excursion to Hermes and breakfast at Nougatine chez Jean-Georges.

And then she asked him why he was doing this.

She remembers, how he paused, for a few seconds. How she saw him swallow whatever he wanted to say.

…and how he, instead, said exactly what she wanted to hear: "we've all been through a lot. We deserve a little celebration."

She knew he wanted to say "I need you, please, just give me that one…we both need it."

He punched Stephen because he couldn't stand to see her cry. He struggled (and failed) in his relationship with Scottie, bringing that poor Dana apology-coffee when she wasn't even in the office… he even sent her to London!

Why did she draw that line between them?

If she wouldn't have, maybe her life would be different by now? Maybe he wouldn't have had that stupid accident, and instead of spending all day fighting tears in this hospital waiting room, she would spend her afternoon in a park holding his hand while watching their children play?

Or maybe, because of all his demons and insecurities their relationship wouldn't have survived and they wouldn't even talk anymore, not even salvaging that precious friendship that they have?

What if she would have done things differently?

What if, that day he waited for her on the street in front of her place to get her back, she wouldn't have told him that she wasn't in love with him? She didn't lie. It was true that she loved him like family. Just not like a brother or cousin…

 _"About that time…you once told me…" he pushed._

She should have said: "Yes. I once told you that if you love me enough I could see myself falling for you." That was the truth.

She suddenly feels nauseous. That's exactly what he did. He loved her enough to respect her limits, her boundaries all these years. He loved her enough to let her go when she chose to -even if it made him sick and miserable.

After all, they made it right. She was head-over-heels in love with him. They would have did things differently, she's pretty sure it wouldn't be the same…

She's lost deep in her thoughts when she feels a phone vibrating in her handbag. She rummages through her stuff. It's Harvey's. A "Paula" is calling. Her heart sinks a little…who's that woman? Without thinking, she answers.

"Hi, who's talking?" answers Donna more harshly than she wants.

"Is this Harvey Specter's phone," asks the woman hesitantly. The woman has an English accent, her voice sounds young enough.

"Yes. It is. Donna Paulsen speaking. Harvey can't answer right now… How may I help you?"

Donna hears the woman makes an audible gasp. "Donna Paulsen? Is Harvey with you right now? Is he okay?" she asks.

Donna becomes slightly annoyed. This woman doesn't sound like a pissed ex-girlfriend, maybe she's a client?

"Harvey can't talk to you right now, maybe you can leave a message and I'll…"

"Donna! I'm…" There is still hesitation in the woman's voice. "I'm Doctor Agard…"

"Harvey's therapist!" finishes Donna. "Right. Sorry…" Donna internally chastise herself for being a jealous girlfriend.

"Harvey called me yesterday. We talked, he was quite…" She clearly wants to tell without telling too much. Patient/Therapist confidentiality agreement.

Donna smiles, realizing how much this woman has done for them. She probably knows everything about her and Harvey.

"Paula, I think after talking to you and then to his friend Jessica, he finally realized what he's been missing. He knocked on my door and told me everything."

Paula laughs nervously. "That Jessica again. She seems…" she giggles again. "Quite a woman. Am I ever going to meet her?"

"At our wedding I guess? Wait. Are you…? I'm not sure Jessica is…" Donna thinks. Jessica has been with men. Has she ever been with women? That woman likes to keep her private life private, so who knows?

"Donna, did Harvey proposed?"

Donna bites her lips. Oops. No he didn't. Why did she talked about their wedding then? Maybe because she's been contemplating her whole life for the past few hours? In her head, it's the next logical step. She feels like her life wouldn't be complete without them making that promise to each other.

"We always had a special relationship," Donna starts. "I feel like…" She searches for the right words. "It's like we've been married and committed to each other before we even admitted how we really felt." She remembers telling Louis, linking her hands together: ' _Harvey and I, we're like this…_ " It makes sense, she thinks, that they made love linking hands last night.

"Last night, we made love…" Donna starts crying. She doesn't know why she is saying that to a complete stranger. Or is she a stranger if she already knows everything about their complicated story?

"From what I know about you, you aren't the type of woman who cries a lot. He isn't alright, isn't he?" asks Paula.

"He isn't. We're at the hospital, they found a blood clot. It's small but…" Donna's voice is cracking. She doesn't want to know what her life would be without him in it.

"I'm glad you picked up the phone Donna… We can talk some more if you want?" Her voice is soft and Donna understands how this woman managed to get Harvey into sharing confidences.

Donna chuckles. "You can charge that on his bill? I've been using his credit card for the past decade or so."

"Donna, today's session is free." Paula laughs. "Do you remember when you met him?"

"Oh yes I do. I already knew I wanted to talk to him that night. I had spotted him before. Not only was he handsome but…"

"…You told him it was his lucky day. Because it was the day he got to meet you."

"How do you…? He told you?"

"You know he said you were right. That day was his luckiest day." Paula exhales into the phone. "I shouldn't say that, it's against my code."

"I'll make sure he doesn't sue you," says Donna. He remembers. She's in shock that he still remembers what she said that day.

"He did say you are the one who keeps him in check, made him a better man."

"He is a really good man, not just because of me. He's had a rough life… I'm glad he went to you to talk about some things. He needed this." She takes a calming breath. "WE needed this. Thank you." Donna chokes on her tears. "If something happens to Harvey, I just want to tell you that it was worth it. You helped him and it wasn't for nothing. All this…what he said and what happened last night, it was all worth it. And after much thinking, I wouldn't change a single thing."

Donna can practically hear Paula thinking at the other end of the line. After a moment, Paula says: "Donna, I just did my job… But to be honest, I can't say I've had to deal with many cases like this one. If something happens, and I hope it won't come to that, I just want you to know that you were the only one he dreamt about, the only one he loved. What you both went through, is what will make you stronger as a couple."

All this was overwhelming, Donna was speechless.

"I called because he missed an appointment today and I was worried. When he wakes up tell him I would really like to meet both of you, together," says Paula at last.

"Admit it, you want to know who the great Donna Paulsen is," says Donna.

"I think I have a good idea who she is. I think she might have been scared to get hurt and that's why she guarded her heart all those years. But yes, I heard from a pretty reliable source that she's breathtakingly beautiful and I'd like to see her in my office."

"Thanks Paula. For everything."

'

* * *

'

A nurse informed Donna that Harvey was awake and stable, and that she could visit him. She insisted that what he would need in the next few days would be to get as much rest as possible. Meaning, short visits and that there was no need for Donna to be there all the time.

As she entered the room she remembered how shocked she was when she saw him last Sunday, pale and bruised in his hospital bed.

It was nothing compared to what she's seeing right now. There's tubes, machines, beeping sounds, monitoring, tapes around his arm to keep some tubes in place. She feels dizzy and can't even process the whole thing. He looks at her with eyes darker than they've ever been. She walks faster, falling into his bed, crying in the crook of his neck. His fingers softly threads her hair.

"Hey…I'm okay. Donna, I'm okay. Stop crying. Please," he says weakly.

"You can't do this to me. You can't tell me you love me and then die on me Harvey! I haven't waited all my life for you to die on me!" She sniffles loudly, trying to gain control over her tears.

"You know that was all part of my grand master plan to have sex with you?" He pushes her hair behind her ears, giving her a lopsided grin. "I just didn't know how to approach the topic after more than twelve years."

He always knows how to make her smile. With the back of his hand, he swipes at the tears rolling down her cheeks.

She intertwines her fingers between his and whispers: "Harvey, you have a blood clot threatening to kill you and you are still thinking about sex."

"Oh remember when we first met in that bar? When it comes to you, sex has always been on my mind," he confesses. "But you were always more than a pretty face…" his voice trails off. She feels his fingers tracing small patterns on her palm. "Donna, listen." He puts his fingers under her chin, slowly lifting her face so he could look into her eyes. She had avoided his eyes since she went inside that room. She can't bear seeing how in pain and how scared he is. That's not something she is used to. He puts his hand on her cheek, like he's expecting her to flinch and avoid his gaze.

"Donna. What will happen is this: I won't get surgery because the blood clot will resorbs on itself within a few days. You will take me home. I will make love to you, most probably against the column between my living room and the kitchen because I'm pretty sure we won't be able to make it to the bedroom." She giggles. "Then, you will plan our wedding…" He smiles. "I would offer to help but I've seen you with Mike and Rachel's wedding and I think it's better if I just rest while you plan everything."

She can't remember how to blink or how to breathe.

"In case you are wondering, yes, I just asked you to marry me."

She shakes her head in disbelief. "Harvey…No you didn't."

"I can't get down on my knees because it would probably kill me right now, but Donna Roberta Paulsen, please just say yes. You are already my best friend, you are the only woman I want to make love to for the rest of my life and I cracked my skull opened to get your attention." He laughs. "Could you PLEASE do me the honor of being my wife?"

She kisses him, slowly. His lips are dry but warm, that's what she's been wanting all day.

"Is that a yes?" He asks breathily.

"This is definitely a yes. Nothing will make me happier…"

'

* * *

'

He finally gets authorization to go home five days later. Five days that went by rather quickly, as she spent those browsing through wedding magazines, daydreaming about what dress she will wear. Of course she had secretly chosen a dress years ago, but maybe because of all she went through, she now feels like wearing something more simple and modest. It is like nothing could ever compares to this moment when Doctor Cohen told them the blood clot had completely disappeared and Harvey could finally go home.

She is sitting by his bed, he fell asleep, again. Doctor Cohen enters the room and grabs a chair, sitting close to Donna. The gray-haired woman seems serious. "Miss Paulsen, can we talk?"

She's intrigued. "Huh yes, sure."

"We are releasing him today but we just want to make sure you both understand the conditions completely," the doctor says, readjusting her glasses.

"I'm not sure I understand…" starts Donna.

"The first time we released Mr. Specter, he seemed quite eager to go back to work, did he stayed home to rest?" asks Doctor Cohen.

"Huh…yeah. He stayed home." It was a half-lie, right?

"Did he participated in any strenuous activity? Went for a run? Mowed the lawn?"

"No."

"Any sports activity?"

"No. He was too tired to do anything. We split our time between the couch and the bed."

"Any strenuous activity?" asks the doctor again.

Donna is lost. Why the doctor is so insistent? "You already asked this question. No."

"Miss Paulsen," the doctor sighs, "I mean, strenuous activity on either the bed or the couch."

Donna's face is scarlet. She grasps her handbag firmly. She can't lie to the healthcare professional who saved her boyfriend's life.

"We did. The night before we came to the E.R." She wants to go hide under Harvey's bed. She's so ashamed. "In fact, the morning we came back to the E.R.," she stutters. "We were…"

She almost killed her boyfriend. With sex. Who would have thought…?

The doctor laughs softly. "Don't be ashamed, you aren't the first ones with that particular problem. We advise against doing activities that increases blood pressure or heart rate. Meaning, putting off sex until concussion symptoms resolves." Donna can see the hints of smile on the doctor's mostly stoic expression. "I know the recommendations sheet didn't specifically include sex, but it definitely falls under the strenuous activity category. I get you are a new couple..." Donna is glad the doctor doesn't finish this sentence.

Donna is trying to keep her cool. "Okay. But what about the dizziness and nauseas? He also said he heard our voices kind of weird."

"Miss Paulsen, it isn't unusual for symptoms like headaches and dizziness to worsen after a few days. Especially if the patient isn't resting enough. The blood clot may have contributed to those symptoms even if it's unlikely due to its size. But I'll schedule an appointment with the ETN specialist. It's very likely he has paroxysmal positional vertigo but it's nothing to worry about."

'

* * *

'

"So almost everything went according to my plan…" He says grabbing her waist, pulling her closer so that her head is resting on his shoulder. He's so happy to be home, and he's even happier that he's home with her. They decided that she would gradually move all of her things to his place. He offered that they could buy a house in the suburbs because apparently that's what women wants (he knew she would most probably say no because she is Donna, and she isn't like all the other women), but she really likes living in Manhattan and his penthouse does have one of the greatest view. She said she would bring life and colors to his condo, he smiled at that, thinking she would probably want to paint the walls or something, but the first thing she did was put a frame on the wall. A picture of the two of them taken by Jessica when he was made partner. On that picture, they were looking at each other, champagne flutes in hands, both smiling. He told her he would lie and say that was their engagement picture.

"Harvey…we need to talk." She seems so serious. He automatically wonders if he did something wrong. He just hope she won't decide to post-pone the wedding. They said within six months. He sits straighter on the couch, angling his body towards her.

She tilts her head. "Oh no. Don't be scared. It's just…I've been thinking. A lot. I know you are doing fine but I realized there are risks and it could happen again. I don't think I would be able to live with myself without knowing that…" Her hands are busy playing with the rollups of his sleeves.

"You want to get married now," he concludes. He is relieved to know it isn't the opposite. "Donna. You've always wanted that big wedding. This isn't something we can plan in a week. He shakes his head. "I know you've always wanted this. You already gave up so much for me. You were supposed to be an actress…" His voice trails off. "Donna. I can't do this to you."

Tears starts rolling off her cheeks. Like every time she cries he hates it, thank goodness she isn't a daily crier he would die. He wouldn't die of a subdural haematoma, he would die of a fucking broken heart. "You just don't get it, do you?" She tells him, trying to wipe off her tears.

"Harvey Reginald Specter, why were you always so difficult? Just listen to me!" He shuts his mouth, and waits.

"Weddings are fun and the planning is great but that was before YOU happened. What I want is to be your wife, Harvey Specter."

He smiles. "It's true that I could die any minute now." She slaps him on the chest and yells "Jerk! Don't say that!"

"Hey, you are the one insinuating I'm a ticking bomb!"

She sits on his lap, hands on his white t-shirt, looking at him attentively. Approximately three weeks ago he was the most miserable man alive. Now, he feels like the luckiest guy on Earth. He grabs her by the wrists. "Donna, not only I'm in love with you but…I'm a lawyer. There are many legal reasons why we should get married sooner than later. I just don't want you to regret it. But I'm in, with whatever you decide."

She melts her body against his, whispering in his ear. "So we're getting married tomorrow at 2 P.M., Manhattan City Hall. Your suit is ready to pick-up, the ring I chose is in your top drawer under your pile of black socks, and there will be a photographer to take photos of the ceremony."

He's in awe. "You are perfect…" He kisses her, his hands leaving her wrists to caress her arms, slowly wrapping around her body. He opens his mouth, his tongue connecting with hers. He smooths his hand down her back, fingers grasping her hips, wanting more. She lightly pushes him, leaving a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Harvey, you still have a follow-up appointment with Doctor Cohen tomorrow at 5 P.M." He groans. "Donna, I feel fine…Please. "

"Not before we get married."

'

* * *

.

Harvey Specter is sitting with his wife, waiting for the results from this last scan. He still thinks the appointment with Doctor Cohen is unnecessary.

Earlier today, when he saw Donna walking towards him in that flowy, strapless, white dress, her red hair falling on her naked shoulders, he knew this would be the ultimate test. He even felt his heart beating in his tongue (he didn't even know it was possible!). If he didn't die of a brain haemorrhage because of that, he knew he was good to go for the rest of his life.

It didn't feel like a "rushed" marriage. Everything was perfect and beautiful. He liked how intimate it was. He could count on both hands the friends that were there. Rachel cried the whole time. That girl always has been quite an ugly crier but Harvey grew to like her, he understands now why she's Donna's best friend and what Mike sees in her. She has the biggest heart. Louis cried too, just because that man is a perpetual mess, and Harvey can't help himself from thinking that maybe, deep down, Louis is jealous. Not because he's in love with Donna but because that's what he almost had with Sheila.

Mike was so happy, like a kid whose divorced parents just got back together. It makes sense, since they are probably the closest thing he's got to as family goes. He found it strange that Paula Agard was not only there, but hugged Donna like they've been pal for years. He wondered what happened when he missed that appointment a few weeks ago.

He's pretty sure he saw Paula flirting with Jessica but Jessica seemed unimpressed. His friend and mentor looked at them proudly throughout the whole ceremony.

As for Donna's parents, he tried to avoid them. He knew they had to be there, but he also knows she has a complicated relationship with them, and they are the reason why she made Manhattan her home and never looked back. It is just better not to get involved.

Sitting in the doctor's office, no longer wearing his wedding suit but now a blue sweater with beige pants, he's playing with his wedding band while the doctor is getting the results.

"Do you like it?" his wife asks, putting her hand on his. She is wearing a blue dress, it always has been one of his favorite.

"It's perfect. Everything is perfect." He squeezes her hand and smiles at her as Doctor Cohen comes back with the results.

"So, Mister Specter," says the doctor as she is sitting behind her desk. "Since your discharged a little more than two weeks ago, have you've been experiencing headache, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, weakness, sensory changes, vision changes, cognitive changes, hearing changes, speech/comprehension changes, or altered mental status?"

"Only headaches. They can be quite painful at times, and wake me… as for altered mental state, I just got married. Today." Donna starts laughing. He also told the nurse at the front desk and someone at the vending machine.

"I guess Miss Paulsen is your wife now?" Donna raises her left hand, showing her beautiful diamonds wedding ring. "Well, congratulations to you two. I guess you are eager to know about those tests." The doctor opens the file. "I looked at it with my colleagues…everything seems perfectly fine. From now on, just take things slowly, be moderately active and get as much rest as you need. Don't hesitate to contact us if you feel any symptoms coming back." She closes the file. "You are a very lucky guy, Mister Specter, very lucky."

"You have no idea…" He says looking at his wife and best friend.

.

'

He's been kissing her in the car and in the elevator to his condo. He even sneaked his hand under her dress while pressing her against the elevator wall, his thumb pushing against her lace panties. His breath was hot against her skin and she wanted him so much she bit his neck so she won't start crying his name. They nearly fell on the ground when the elevator doors opened. This is it.

He takes her in his arms, unlocking the door, carrying her over threshold like the newlyweds that they are.

Their lips are fused together, he pushes the door closed behind him with his foot. Her feet fall on the ground but she's putty against him, she feels like his hands are everywhere. "Bedroom?" she mumbles weakly against his lips. But he has already unzipped her blue dress, pushing it off of her and she quickly removes his sweater, throwing it on the ground on top of her dress.

"Dear god, Harvey…" she cries as he pushes her bra and sucks her nipple, his tongue grazing over the hardened bud. His lips claims hers again, a kiss that is deep and carnal, his tongue warm in her mouth and it hits her: he could have died. She wants him so bad her hands are shaking as she unbuttons his pants, pushing them to the ground, her hand wrapping around his erection, slowly moving until he moans something inaudible. He stops her, grabbing her by the wrist. She understands he doesn't want this to be over too soon, and his forehead is resting on her forehead as he tries to regain some control. After a few seconds, he looks at her with a determination she remembers seeing before, years ago. It automatically sends shivers down her spine.

He grabs her ass and she wraps her legs around his waist. Her arms around his neck, the hair that she shaved a few weeks ago tickling her fingers. He carries her across the room, pushing her back against the column standing between his kitchen and living room, just like he told her he would do a few weeks ago. Her legs fall on the ground but she isn't sure she can stand on her own knowing what's coming and she desperately grasps his shoulders.

Harvey leaves trails of wet kisses between her breasts and belly. She can't touch his head, afraid it will hurt him but she digs her fingers in his shoulders as his kisses move lower, reaching her tights. He gets down on his knees and she grabs the column behind her, secretly hoping he is still as good as she remembers, and that her memory didn't play tricks on her after all those years. He pushes her panties and for a few seconds he gives a few kisses so close, she can feel his breath tickling, she knows he's doing it on purpose, the bastard. He presses his mouth against her, tongue probing and she arches her back, rocking her hips, shamelessly giving in to the pleasure he's giving her. Each stroke bringing her closer to the edge of orgasm, her legs growing weak as she holds him. Her moan becomes a cry as she pushes against his shoulders. She closes her eyes, seeing stars. When she opens them he is standing in front of her, a self-satisfied smile on his face.

"Don't say it." She lifts a hand. "Just…don't. In fact, after twelve years I thought you would be way better than this."

"Well, it isn't like I really worked on developing the whole technique. That's the Paulsen-Special, and without you…"

She lightly pushes him towards the couch that is near, and starts kissing his neck. "Stop talking," she says between kisses. "We still haven't had sex."

"That wasn't sex?" he mocks her.

She turns around, pressing her abdomen against the back of the couch. She sends him a seductive gaze. "No it wasn't. You're going to have sex with me. Now."

Harvey seems hesitant. He raises an eyebrow. She sees he's confused and she finally understands. "Jesus Christ, Harvey… No I'm not offering backdoor sex on our wedding night! We're just…putting a variation on a traditional position." He laughs in relief, his chest against her back, pushing her hair away from her face. He kisses her softly. "Good," he says. "That's not what I want right now… "

She bends her elbow backward, fingers grasping his length. "I just… I almost lost you, Harvey. I really need to feel you right now. HARD." She says bending forward over the couch.

His body is warm against her, she feels like she's on fire. It's a nice contrast against the cold leather couch that she feels under her abdomen. He sneaks an arm under her stomach, fingers reaching across for her waist. "I love you so much," he whispers in her neck. She feels his desire pressing very lightly against her folds and she thinks she might have to kill him soon if she doesn't feel him hitting the spot in less than a minute. He's teasing and he's doing it on purpose.

"I'm not even sure I love you anymore…" She whines as she feels his fingers threading her hair, massaging her scalp.

"That's all part of our wedding night special package," he says softly, while leaving a kiss on her cheek. "I thought it might be a good idea to re-enact how long we've waited between 'The other time' and when we finally did it again a few weeks ago." She laughs, her hand reaching back to his thigh, fingers gently scratching his skin. "I don't think so Harvey…" Her hand grabs his thigh, pulling him flush against her. "Don't. Fucking. Move," she orders him. She bucks her hips and she feels him inside her, his breath sharp in her neck. She pushes her hips backward and forward against him, hinting at the rhythm and depth she wants and he continues his thrusts, hitting the spot until she moans his name, her orgasm taking him with her. He's still holding her, his body lying on her, her own body slacked, lying over the couch back cushion. Her head is almost touching the seats and she should probably stand up before all the blood rushes to her head and she starts feeling dizzy.

She pushes her arms against the couch, trying to stand upright but Harvey is still slumped against her, heavy. She feels his unsteady breath on her back. She suddenly gets really scared.

"Harvey, are you alright?" she asks. What if she overworked him? Her heart sinks thinking about the possibility of losing him.

He is still breathing heavily, so at least there is that. He isn't dead. She just hopes she hasn't provoked another bleeding in his brain.

She uses more strength and pushes her body off the couch, her back hurting a little. Her husband is still slumped against her, she gently turned around to face him. He still has his hands on her, like he won't let go.

He isn't dead, he has a goofy smile on his face.

"Is that what married sex is going to be like?" he asks grinning widely between breaths.

What a relief.

"Like we can do it like this every time, if that's what you wanted, you should have marry me sooner." She starts laughing. "The last time we had sex is when your brain probably started bleeding, the morning after that we had foreplays and it almost killed you, and right now…" she looks at him, now his hands are on the couch, still trying to regain control over his breaths. "Right now I think you're having some kind of Asthma attack?"

"Let's just say you give a whole new meaning to expression 'mind blowing sex'."

"Okay enough kidding around, let's go to sleep now, old man."

'

* * *

'

Harvey Specter wakes up next to his favorite redhead. They forgot to shut the blinds the night before and the sunlight has invaded the room.

A month ago, he woke up feeling sad and went out for a run that nearly killed him.

"What are you thinking?" Donna mumbles, slowly. Her eyes are half-closed. She snuggles closer to him and he kisses her forehead.

"I was thinking… that a month ago, if you wouldn't have answered that call," he swallows. "I still think we would have ended up together but, all this… it forced us to…"

"Rebuild. What we took more than a decade building," Donna says. "Harvey. I couldn't NOT answer. If you call, I will answer. If you fall, I will pick you up. If you court this disaster…"

"Wait a minute," he says lifting his body on his elbow. "You are shamelessly quoting a song from the nineties while I'm here pouring my feelings out. You know how hard opening up is for me? Donna I…"

She takes his left hand in her hands, fingers grasping his wedding band.

"Are we already getting a divorce?" He's teasing her, of course he knows she won't, especially with the way she is looking at him right now. But she is still trying to pull his wedding band off and it hurts. "Okay, what are you…"

She sighs. "Harvey, please look inside the band.

He removes the band and takes it between his index and thumb, his eyes adjusting to the sunlight.

The wedding band isn't flashy, it is simple and platinum but he adores it completely.

His eyes finally sees what she made engraved inside "Today is your lucky day".

Donna takes the ring and puts it back on his finger, making his hand closed around hers, leaving a kiss on his knuckles. "Because from now on every day will be your lucky day, Specter."


	11. Notes from the future

Hello. This is Fantomette-from-the-future. Yes. 2017!

Just so you know, Fantomette-from-2015, you had it all wrong.

Sit down.

What I'm about to tell you may come as a shock.

...

Paula-the-therapist,(yes that character you liked so much and respected so much) she did meet Donna, yes, but even if their meeting was great, season 7 started with a bomb by telling us all this time Paula was fantasizing about Harvey. Yikes huh?

And Harvey, in some kind of weird, twisted plotline, seems to now transfer his feelings on Paula (Donna who?).

And now, here we are. Two years later. Watching this mess.

So sorry...two years after you wrote this fic, oh dear Fantomette-from-the-past, I can tell you, your little story was waaaaaay too optimistic.

(Appreciate the effort tho: saw your writing started pretty bad and improved chapter after chapter, at least you can be grateful to Suits for improving your English writing skills).

PS: You did get some things right. Louis is really a perpetual mess. Jessica is still a Queen and the only sane person at this firm (proof is: she's the only one who LEFT! Ah!).

So, I almost deleted this fic because it now sucks on SO MANY LEVELS. But this line at the end of the fic, about his lucky day, kinda saved it. The day Harvey met Donna really was his lucky day...too bad he's too messed up to realize it and act on it.

Trying to keep the faith until the last few seconds of the last episode of the last season...


End file.
